Itz a funny world we live in...

Black- A tale of cancerous asset!

2010-01-21T15:02:00.041+05:30

A conversation that took place on FACEBOOK

Status update-Black !

Guy friend (GuF)- Color game?
Poster-SECRET color game to spread awareness
saheli-awareness on wat???
poster- Check message
saheli- Ohh... :)
GuF- tell me too
Saheli and Poster- hehehehe...keep guessing

A conversation that DIN'T happen on FACEBOOK

Status Update- Black!

GuF- Color game?
Poster- yea an OPEN game to spread prostrate and testicular cancer awareness
GuF- WTF! Black?
Poster- Color of my undy today
Guf- Pevert...idiot! When did you last went to hospital for an IQ test?
saheli- weirdo!
Poster- Huhhh :rolleyes:
Me-too Generation GuF- That is like so IN and COOL! Updating my status now to pink
Poster- :Thumbsup:

Facebook has done what no amount of education and general awareness could do for past two decades in modern India and worldwide i.e Respect for farming as a profession and a serious business! Not only in a few months it has diverted the most talented youth with cutting-edge educational degrees to take up farming big time (Farmville) at the cost of social isolation and wastage of employer resources but also answered one of the most intriguing question that has kept evolutionist and biologists in a puzzled state for centuries now- WHO IS THE SMARTER GENDER?

A few days back the world woke up one fine morning to see some bizarre status updates from females around the world. From nothing to yellow, red, violet, black and all the shades of basic colors whose names are known and used only by women worldwide! Infact, having lived with them for considerable amount of time I am convinced that all females are tetrachromat and 99% of men are colorblind. Anyways, Like every other person(females included), I too was confused when I logged on to my FB account from office. Darshana status update read 'blue'. I passed it off as a depiction of typical stressful, lonely and frustrated life that she has been living for past 3 months in Leeds. I even ignored 'kitty-party guys' (Future reference KPGs) typical curious questions asking the meaning of the status update. I even ignored Darshana's obvious avoiding attitude towards KPGs question and the answers to her sahelis that the answer lied in their private message inbox thinking that the reason must be girly and personal. KPGs kept on inquiring and women giggled to make fun of their AWARENESS IQ (can be the KPGs girly curiosity thingy too).

AWARENESS...

FB, at mornings, is just an excuse before more than a dozen online desi and videsi newspaper loads in the tabs of my browser. The 8th January NY times article titled 'Bra Colors Sweep Facebook in Cancer Awareness Push' caught my eye suddenly. Infact, as a guy, I confess that it was not the entire heading but the word 'bra' in 'business' section of the online edition that aroused my cave-mans days typical men's curiosity. I went through the entire article and something in me immediately popped up a question to my female colleague sitting in next cubicle inquiring whether she is on FB? Reply was in negative and I immediately forwarded her the news link to break the news to her and later showed her Darshana's status on my monitor. We din't discuss it but the only common word that we both had for this path-breaking movement was 'disgusting, ridiculous and pointless'.

POINTLESS?

Suddenly and shockingly I am coming across lots of 'reported' suicide cases in various forms of media and lots of these cases are being linked to the recent blockbuster movie '3-idiots'. Though I am the last person to criticize a movie to a point of blaming it for 'sudden' changes in the behavioral pattern of society but this time I will take a small exception. And the reason behind this small exception is that the generation that I am dealing with in India right now is what I usually address as 'Me-too generation'.

A defnition

Me-too generation corresponds to the generation X^3 which carries (heads)^10 on their shoulders, (emotional intelligence)^(1/2) and (rational intelligence)^(1/3) . They grew up to ask the W^4H questions (read when, where, why,what and how) for everything that has been mentioned in their 'history/sociology' texts but fail to ask the same W^4H questions when absolute saturated bulshit is transfused into their knowledge-system intra-optically or through auditory channels by their peer group or other information resources.

The pathological strains that have been isolated in 100% of these subjects are being linked very closely to the 'copycat syndrome pathogen family' and research is still on as to why this generation has seized to be analytical and pragmatic in its approach in day to day affairs and genetic basis to ascertain their 'we-know-what-is-best-and-right' and 'if-my peers -are-doing-it-then-its-right' syndrome is being carried out in labs worldwide.

So while the Generation-X^3 has made some real strong opinions to a point of no-return about M.K Gandhi by asking the W^4H questions after watching 3-4 bollywood movies and reading a few articles by Gandhi-critics, it has royally failed to question some of their day to day approaches
(I always appreciate and respect Americans for not putting their leaders like Martin Luther king, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln constantly in same light the way India's generation puts its freedom fighters! I really do!)

Take for example the 'Bra-campaign'. The usual questions:

1. WHAT are you trying to achieve by mentioning your bra-colors openly on SN sites?

A. Brest cancer awareness

2. WHY?

A. Breast cancer kills

3. WHEN is the breast-cancer day/month?

A- 99% of me-too generation doesn't know who wrote our national song then how can they remember 18th October date or October month?(MTV AND V-TV carries out some really funny public interviews which exposes Indian youth by asking these type of questions)

4. Where does the cancer affect?

A. Ofcourse breast stupid! (lil they know that some forms can spread to other parts of body)

5. HOW is the breast awareness day/month observed?HOW does it kill? How will you achieve it by your methodology?

A. No answer for first part. (wear pink ribbons )..second part...hmm..well it just KILLS..its cancer! awareness...hmm..
1.everytime women mention their bra color they will think about caring their breasts
(and they blame men for being perverts and losers for thinking about their breasts and the bra that covered their assets that day and not breast cancer).
2.Perhaps people will google about breast-cancer more and thus awareness will spread.
(how many FB members wear a pink ribbon all throughout the breast-cancer AWARENESS month, will do a self breast-exam that day, google about breast cancer to update their impeccable knowledge about everything or will join NGO's and group spreading awareness real-time is something they should ask themselves)

DISCUSSION

Somewhere in America, a woman din't had anything to do on a FRIDAY and came-up with the whole idea about spreading breast cancer awareness by mentioning her bra color and specifically asked her sahelis that boys needs to be kept out of the whole campaign (a looser feminist).
Well, there were three technical problems here

1. If women-related cancers is what was on the females mind then she royally screwed it by not mentioning the color of her panties. See woman, January is 'cervical cancer screening/awareness month' and not 'breast cancer awareness day/month' which is observed in October worldwide. You royally screwed up , admit it! Cervical cancer is the second leading cause of death of women between 20-29yrs of age in US and I have every reason to believe that FB community, who boasted about their bra colors, mostly were from this age bracket!

2. When you talk about awareness then awareness is always holistic in nature. A Flag-bearer of any campaign is automatically perceived as someone who knows the A to Z of what he is doing and what he believes in. When you knew so much about breast cancer than how can you leave men who also suffer from same condition though the incidence may not be as as common as women. Also an educated husband or a partner is the best bet in a relationship because they can always pick up a lump or abnormality in breast conditions more frequently if not better than a woman who does a breast self-examination. Moreover how many bra-color declaring women did a breast self-examination that day is something that these proud women should ask themselves. By leaving out men from the campaign, I have every reason to believe that the whole campaign had more to do with titillation rather than the awareness campaign.

3. You royally made fun of women who actually suffer from breast cancer and undergo single or double-mastectomy! How? These women's life change after going through these traumatic surgeries and chemotherapy for they cannot wear a component that is so woman and them, a BRA! By proudly mentioning the color you did hurt them by making them feel left out from your utterly senseless, if not titillating, 'awareness' campaign! How did you expect people who have undergone or are undergoing breast-cancer treatment to respond to the 'status message' campaign? You should have actually interviewed a few 'been-there-done-that- people' before choosing the 'color of your bra' USP to unleash your campaign.

Having said that, where does the future of these senseless campaign lie? What does these phenomenon have in store for the 'me-too generation'? I don't know exactly but I have a vague picture.

FUTURE

Case 1

Yesterday I was going through the 'sex-advice' column of mid-day newspaper and came across a query of a 14-year old boy who had his sex-education class in school and was extremely worried that a wound on his hand touched a fruit-seller skin that had a sore on it and he was very anxious to know if he had contracted AIDS?

Information overload? Definitely yes! Possible for this boy to go under depression for same and commit suicide unless informed parents/professional steps in? Highly likely!

Internet and the health-related information overload that people are experiencing has made the generation-X not only paranoid but also hypochondriac (to choose a strong word for the condition). Never before in history young population had frantically searched internet/resources in library to find a reason behind their prevailing or suspected medical conditions. A simple case of low-hemoglobin condition now raises questions about more than 50 chronic diseases in a youngsters mind at wrongdiagnosis.com alone. Let me discuss a real-life case related to breasts

Case 2

Richa is a close childhood friend of mine whose cheerful behavior took a drastic change when I met her after some years in 9th standard and she looked mostly depressed from then on. It was only after 7 years that she confided to me that she has breast cancer. I was taken aback and asked her details. She gave me a onset-time that was 7 years back from the date of present discussion. She mentioned that there is a lump in both her breasts. I smelled fish and immediately asked my other female friend to book an appointment with a gynae. Though it may sound extremely funny that a biology student throughout school and college mistook her mammary glands as cancerous lumps but imagine what trauma she must have undergone in these 7 years! and yes she took her 'breast cancer awareness' classes which only mentioned about lumps and failed to discuss about lumpiness of mammary glands. Was she stupid? Well not as stupid as compared to Gen-X of today with 'rational intelligence'^(1/3)!
If that was not all, she again mentioned to me after 2 years that she is now convinced she has cancer because she is experiencing considerable amount of nipple discharge. It later turned out that it was a normal side-effect of birth-control pills she was taking and the discharge stopped soon after she discontinued the pills.

My whole point here is that by unleashing such campaigns on platforms where one-to-one professional discussions and information inter-exchange is not possible then are we educating people around or pushing the 'discomgoogolated' youth of today into psychological conditions like hypochondriasis and paranoia? As demonstrated in two cases above and by no small measure the fact that the divergent generation-X^3 is suffering from copycat syndrome, the whole 'bra-campaign' can well turn out to be cases like Richa and 14-year boy for some individuals. These are just my personal fears that comes from my experience and observation. Personally I strongly feel that youth of today should seriously abstain themselves from visiting internet sites that are aimed at diagnosis of medical and psychological conditions. It can prove to be extremely counter-productive. Education is good but diagnosis should be left in the hands of professionals. But the tragedy is that Gen-X is convinced that Internet is THE place for education as well as diagnosis not only for medical but also for problems influencing their day to day life.

Closing words

When Rajkot-woman Pooja chauhan went on streets wearing only inner-wear to protest against dowry harassment and callous attitude of administration, I felt extremely humiliated and sorry as a fellow-countryman and helpless for the woman who took such a drastic step to make her point. A the same time the 'pink-chaddi' campaign against Ram-sena gave me an outright disgusted feeling and narrated a story of a lost-cause on part of Gen-X^3. The immediate question that sprung in my mind was from when did the most intimate part of a woman's clothing become an object to demonstrate disapproval and resistance and from when did women started using their 'sexuality' as the very first line of defense or offense? If this is the lesson of 'Gandhigiri' that Gen-X^3 took from a few Bollywood movies then the day is nor far when the anti-riot police/mischievous groups will receive tampons/sanitary napkins attacks next time! As mentioned in some part of article, the generation has totally lost its ability and will to question the intention, effect and reason behind their personal actions by completely neglecting the 'social, moral and cultural aspects and impact' of it. They are blindly following drone-leaders who have completely confused their souls and minds by intermixing feminism with indirect forms of female nudism. Female nudity, which can only be appreciated generally in the forms of art and never on streets/ONLINE by any responsible generation of past, present or future!

As if the sights of bra-strap screaming out and panty-peeks were not enough on Indian roads, now I have my friends, cousin sisters and colleagues yelling out the color of their bras and at the same time refusing to give me an explanation behind it . I remember there was a time when women used to take extra care while placing their washed undergarments in balconies and terrace to avoid public catching a glimpse of them . But now if the public-display was not enough, they are screaming online by hiding behind veil of 'breast cancer awareness'! Is their any femininity left among female species on this planet? What was the whole point in keeping the guys at bay on SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES? Ain't it just another movement like the terrorists movement worldwide who maintain that the violence they carry out is part of the bigger, just and pure concept called 'jihad'? Ain't they confused when it comes to the manner of execution of noble cause like 'jihad' in a way that is not advocated/supported by any civilized society or religious text? If these fellas are justified in gaining 'attention' of world by indulging in sectarian violence than this 'bra-color crusade' (violence in terms of cultural, social, aesthetic, sexual, morality n blabla) for 'breast cancer' is justified!

I am seriously confused right now regarding the issue as I am yet to hear/read a 'convincing' argument in real-or-virtual world about it but what I am pretty sure is that the whole bra-campaign on FB did prove one thing- Who is the smarter gender?

An alternate 'serious and responsible' Approach...

All Concerned females could have well mass-updated their display picture with a pink ribbon with status update as 'breast cancer awareness week' on facebook' with a link to some government site for information about it ! And to make it spicy could have used the image that I have used at the starting of my blog. Without the second part of suggestion also I am pretty sure it must have got them the required attention from everyone (or each one playing farmville atleast...lol)
Mentioning bra color was plain mischievous, titillating and vague and was aimed at getting popular (for most) or to re-affirm their herd-mentality if nothing else. I know Gen-X^3 will contest hard that they are unique in everything they do but if they really look within then they are just part of the herd that is commanded by drone-leaders and role-models if not their peer-groups!

P.S

1.Almost all my female friends in my friend-list din't disappoint me. In later private conversations they (inc my humming bird) told me that the whole idea was absolute nuisance and ridiculous. I felt re-assured that there is some 'individualism', 'feminine qualities', 'morality' and 'sense' that is prevailing among women compared to the 'me-too copycat syndrome affected Gen-X^3 herd' of today.

2. Copycat syndrome (theory not proved yet) :''To put it technically, they rely on others to tell them what to do and what to be,''

Some psychiatrists say these are emotionally immature people who find an excuse to vent their latent emotions . Richard Galston, a Harvard Medical School psychiatrist, says the copycats may have weak ego structures and ''have difficulty running their lives''

3. Already there is a conspiracy theory that links Facebook to American intelligence Agency-CIA (link). So young women, not only CIA keeps track on your social life, now they have access to even your intimate details! Did that scare you?

Remembering 26/11

2009-12-04T14:48:00.026+05:30

Flash: 647/7

naah...that is not a friendly: adversary kill ratio of 26/11 but the scorecard of Ind Vs SL third test being played as on 1504hrs on 4th december'09...oops there goes Zaheer (bugger wasted 51 balls to score 7 runs)...lets freeze the score at 647/8 !!

Back to topic, oh before I begin..people who have a sensitive pumping-organ...get out of here! naah dont look down...this was a uni-sex comment...feel it in your chest...just below sternum on your left side. GET LOST!! Rest of you...well you know me...so lets begin...

I was reading Mridula's blog sometime back (its back!! How?) and saw her post on 26/11 which prompted me to write one myself. 26/11...lol..lol..lol...after 9/11..it has become customary for Indian media to attach a date (as identification batch) to terror attacks carried on Indian soil. The only tragedy is that world remembers 9/11 but even a normal Indian citizen cannot make much out of 26/11 or 7/11's or blabla bla....why? I mean hello? Terrorists strikes here are so common than who the hell gives a flying fuck to these 'media-created' remembrance dates which must have easily gone into 10's in last 8 years (post 9/11). With our sex-ratio falling with each passing year, isn't it obvious to media that men, thanks to their brain-wiring, are not good at remembering dates! Think fresh, logically and holistically guys. Why not name it something like...'bombay gang-bang, bombay serial-rape' etc...that would create some uncomfortable emotions in Indian public and political class...26/11...wtf is 26/11...huhhh...

Frankly speaking I was not at all moved with whatever was happening in bombay last year on that date. For me it was just another terrorist attack on Indian soil. Just that it was taking time to gain control over it and this time elite section of society was on receiving end (for a change). As usual protocol followed, I got strict orders from my hi-command (read parents) not to venture into public places/big hotels for weeks to come or else.....
Anyways, coming back to my emotions on that fateful night, I was more interested in watching 'die-hard 4.0' movie than the news channels. Occasionally during breaks, I was flicking through news channels where I saw a better-than-amitabh actors (namely rajdeep sardesai and Arnab) making all sort of serious, angry and about-to-cry faces as if their kins were caught in that cross-fire. I was literally laughing on those faces then and a week back when these channels had a week-long obituary series or something on same lines. I mean kudos to these so-called editor-in-chief's who have left no stone upturned to make news channels into 'saas-bahu' emotional melodramas. Guess its ok because Indian public doesn't like anything on Indian TV unless it has 'drama' in it.

Media and 26/11

Next day i.e 27 November was more funny. We had some strong 'indian integration' lessons being taught by the most biased media in this world. Arnab and Rajdeep (and others) totally boycotted Indian politicians irrespective of their political affiliations and refused to interview them to get their perspective. While the pros of this stand were being discussed by my colleagues who somehow got emotionally entangled with the situation, I was shocked and baffled by this stand of media. My radar warning receiver, for once, got so much confused assigning target priority to bandit thoughts that I had to grab a rare-dose of coffee to take manual control of my auto-pilot brain status. Boycott who and why? This is the time to show true color of politicians and bureaucrats, this is time to nail them, this is time to interview PEOPLE'S representatives..I mean how can you, in a democracy, boycott ELECTED representatives? Moreover, was it a conspiracy by congress-supporting media not to put their bread-givers in an uncomfortable position in the name of boycotting entire political class? and btw, in between, what do they plan to air instead? Live military operations, live tele-interviews of people who were holed-up inside installations in-turn providing live intel terrorists, strategy of special forces, type of special forces involved etc? Everytime they did that, I could feel chills down my spine. For once I thought terrorists in India don't need any costly intel equipment or infrastructure to plan and carry-out operations flawlessly. We have voracious Indian media who will give you every fucking second by second detail about an ongoing special-op. God bless this country! The first country in this world where special-ops are shown live on national television. I can go on and on on this strategic blunder but then why am I getting emotional? Considering the 'militray' briefing was being given by no-one to everyone from special-ops in-charge, to police commissioner to whoever who could grab the opportunity to be on cam...it was a laughing scenario for me from beginning. There was no fucking common media-briefing room throughout leave alone sanitizing the targets from civilian presence.
Luckily that weekend I went to Hyderabad and laughed my ass off making mockery of my dad, his profession and his establishment for training such intelligent senior officers who not only got killed in abundance within minutes (without being prior-designated targets) of this terrorist strike but also don't know one thing about handling media and situations like these. Btw I felt sad for Mr kamate though. We knew him personally and ofcourse another IPS officer who got hit in his foot but survived. All in all, this situation was a classic example of level of preparedness of Indian establishment for such strikes, synergy between various establishments and in no small measure their disaster management skills. I need not say more.

Case of Major Unnikrishnan (NSG)

While my countries premier and elite special-op force, better known as NSG, was busy intercepting and neutralizing terrorists in trident and Taj, it registered its first casualty in the name of Major sandeep. My..My what a handsome chap was my first reaction when I saw his picture flashing on every news channel. But did he really had to die? Now I am not getting into a controversial argument but consider this situation which has been certified as 'true' by investigators looking into 26/11 fiasco. My countries 'dedicated' forces never had building plans of current targets. Come to think about it. Infact reports say that they dont have building plans of almost all vital installations (including taj hotel) which have been tagged as 'sensitive' by my countries intel agencies. So all in all, with the help of hotel employees and spot-judgment these specialized forces were taking on terrorists. Aren't it extremely funny? Later in an interview I had NSG DG saying that the situation was so precarious in sandeep's sector that only a 'true patriot' would risk his life to get into that 'certain' position. All in all, the NGC documentary recently aired showed what DG was trying to say. With due respect to martyr, I can only say that the training should involve lot of strategic and intelligent thinking rather than going with the flow. War is not about how many died but how many lived to see the other day to kill those who tried to kill them yesterday. Major's death could have been easily avoided is the best I can say without inviting wrath from readers.

In any case, the most funny part was when Kerala (??) CM was shown doors by major's father when he came to pay homage to the brave soldier which, in turn, created a huge controversy when CM remarked that 'not even a dog would come to piss(??) at major's house if he hadn't been a martyr (read victim) of current situation". Media created an uproar and demanded apology from minister 'live and on-air'. Minister refused.

I stand by the minister. I totally understand the pain and grief that the parent's of Major must have gone through seeing the dead body of their young son but did they forget the fact that the day they signed the 'no-objection certificate' giving green signal to their son to join NATION'S services they had already lost their son to the service of nation. The day major joined forces he was son of country and not the son of two citizens who gave birth to him. His death was hence a national loss and having already lost their son a decade back or so there was no room for emotions. Emotions that would INSULT an ELECTED representative of government, whose orders for any soldier, are engravings on a stone and which he follows without questioning the authority or intentions. It was absolutely wrong on part of major's father not to allow certain section of government (army and media allowed) in the event of a 'national loss' more so when he must have been himself part of electoral process of this country at some point in his life. Such emotions were un-called for and I seriously wish that there should be a protocol set for such eventualities wherein the 'elected' representatives should be allowed, without any hindrances, to attend funerals of our soldiers who have died on duty. People need to understand that these figures are actually representing thousands and lakhs of people who voted for them and its an indirect representation of these people on such occasions. Don't we always take pride in calling ourself a 'responsible' democracy?

One year later....

.. Sighh...I picked up 2-3 news magazines from airport lobby last week and saw 26/11 printed in bold red on cover-page in all of them. The only thought that crossed my mind was "so it has started again"!! I decided to 'buy' cosmopolitan magazine instead because 'chitrangada singh's' cover-page photo was far more inviting and tempting (for all the wrong reasons ofcourse) than the obvious 26/11 stuff. What followed later in day and week were week-long programs on 26/11 in all news channels. Boring!! Boring to the core!! But then can I ever get bored watching Indian media and bureaucracy ? Hell no! I had this bombay police commissioner reviewing 26/11 parade wherein the newly raised commandos took out a drill on bombay roads showcasing their AK-47's/56's and other automatic weapons. Purpose? To send a message to mumbaikars (bombaikars doesn't sound good, eh?) and terrorists that they are prepared to face any challenge! So far so good. Bombay police commissioner, with his swollen chest, declared to media that now they are totally..fully prepared to face and retaliate any terrorist threat! Goddd.....I never felt so proud about my country in recent days...I was on floor laughing my ass off after hearing that statement. To everyone around it was a a much-required confidence-building statement and their could be nothing wrong in it but still they asked me why I am laughing so sarcastically. 'proactive my men....proactive...when the fuck Indians will learn to to be proactive....do you think I give a fuck to what that guy said...they are ready to face terrorists...are they fucking waiting for terrorists to creep in so that they can put to use their shiny imported new automatic weapons....ready to FACE them because now they have migrated from .303 and revolvers to an Uzi? Why doesn't this guy say that before facing they are prepared like the best in business to PREVENT an attack? lots of difference between FACING and PREVENTION my dear countrymen...lots of difference. But then pro-activeness is not something that an Indian bureaucrat understands and practice, does he? One year of this so-called deadliest strike and still some of you talk about facing and not preventing"...

Case of Kavita Karkare

Btw whats up with Ms Kavita karkare (wife of ATS chief (IPS) who got killed in 'action')? Along with these parades and stuff, she was seen launching book on Chief's life and how committed she is to know the reason behind the officers death? So far so good, not every widow in India gets a publisher to publish book who has dared to question the administration but my question is how does it feel for a family member of an IPS (or more plainly indian police) when they are out in open as a 'civilian' trying to know the 'reasons' for whatever from your own people? I think Kavita should be made the face of 'common man' of India and should be walking-talking lesson for police personnel (and admin at large) to force them to re-think about the plight of 'common man' when they approach and expect answers from administration. I am not quite sure whether Kavita's fight is personal but I would certainly like to see her emerge as a congress/NCP candidate in maharsthra election next time. Atleast I would go and vote for her then because she has 'seen-it-all' and finally I will expect some 'justice' from her! In the meantime, post-mortem report clearly says that the officer got killed by bullet-shots in his neck ma'm and not on his chest as claimed by you (and likes) while putting up that RTI (??) in court questioning admin's role in buying 'defective jackets'. You say that you dont have access to slain officer's B-P vest. My question is does it make any difference because vest protects chest and not neck region? If you say that post-mortem report is misleading then I really pity scores of civilians who have been victims of such misleading post-mortems in India. You make noise over the 'fact' that the 're-enforcements' didn't come for 40mins when chief was asking for it but my point is that 're-enforcements' still needs to arrive on Indian public scene even after 20 years of militancy in J&K, N-E etc !!
He was an excellent officer and even my father vouches for him but don't sensationalize the whole episode. There were 10's of police personnel who got killed because of faulty arms and ammunition. How many widows got a publisher and media exposure to question administration? Are they part of your movement? If yes, then I salute you! If No then please go and make them a part of it. You and your current position in society owes it !

And No, I dont think Chief deserved 'ashok chakra', the peace-time equivalent of 'param-veer chakra'!! Remember that the chief got ambushed and he died without offering any resistance. Now, how does getting ambushed to a point when you don't even know from which direction the bullets are coming from, without knowing the profile of enemies leave alone objectives, without being a designated target and without achieving, leave alone formulating, primary, secondary or even tertiary objective qualifies an individual for 'ashok chakra'? It was a plain ambush for god-sake. The only difference is that two IPS personnel got killed and not civilians! If showing up on crime scene, without a strategy and expected level of preparedness, is the pre-requisite for getting this rare medal then all the police officers who died or took part in this event should be given 'ashok chakra'. Something tells me that the award had more to do with investigation in malegaon blast rather than officers so-called heroic deeds in this terrorist attacks! Am I missing something? I mean common....

My humble tribute to victims of 26/11 who have died and suffered due to this mindless act of terror and desperation. Blame my government and administration and not 'Islamic' fundamentalism for your pain, suffering and sorrows for they believed and continue to believe in facing danger and not to prevent it. Very little has changed. And this little is not enough to thwart an imminent terrorist strike of comparable intensity in future. We are no America. RIP

oh btw the score stands 726/9 for India and its tea-time. Guess India should put SL to bat in last session and hope to scalp a wicket or two before calling it a day...ohh btw...that should end my post on so-called 26/11...you see...400-500 civilians dying every year due to terror strikes is not all that important to me when, even after 60 years of independence and 8+% GDP growth, I have 5000 under-5 aged children dying in India EVERY DAY (UNICEF report)! Who is bigger enemy?

P.S- ok..I admit I am lil emotional idiot myself. So on that day at airport I did pick up that India today (before cosmo) and read the cover story. here is link to cover story by an equally idiot editor-in-chief : India today

Sleep and Dream Interpretations....

2009-11-05T17:20:00.011+05:30

Sigmund Freud once said..."The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to knowledge of the unconscious activities of the mind."....(damnn I am obsessed with this guy and his research I guess :D)

Now how much truth it carries is something I am not bothered because I don't have any work in office today and thanks to my rhinitis problem, I don't want to leave the comfort of AC and go to comparatively warmer zones and thus worsen my cold which, all in all, means that I am in a mood to write something today. Anyways, this post is not about my rhinitis but a more complex topic that has baffled sleep scientists/researchers and philosophers alike!

For me dreams are as puzzling as an illiterate 'color-blind' guy who has just ordered a domino's pizza at home and is not able to make out the difference between red and green-colored circle sticker on pack which are symbolic for vege and non-vege stuff !!

The stuff that is not difficult for me to understand is that a little stress always shows up in my dreams in the form of nightmares. And boy am I scared of them? Hell yes...I am known in my campus (parent's place) to take night walk on those ghostly roads even at 2 in night without any fear but nightmares scare the shit out of me. Ask my mom or anyone living in my house how 'childish' I behave when I am still under its trauma! lol...and the time is 3 A.M. Bloddy i don't know who, in my childhood, told me that between 12 to 3 A.M ghosts come out and thanks to my childish antics, whenever I wake up between that period because of a nightmare, I keep my bedroom light switched on till 3 because the darkness really makes me nervous! And then when I wake up in morning I laugh at myself for behaving in such silly way! lol...and the cycle continues...

Anyways, what prompted me to write this post is a recurring dream that has been...of course recurring...for many-many years now! Now I got this dream again yesterday...same skeleton but lil different flavor! Its about air crashes...

Lets see the "basic" skeleton of my dream

"I am not a passenger or someone who is piloting the aircraft. On the contrary, I am someone who is witnessing the flight from ground alongside atleast one person. Now I look up in the clear sky and concentrate on aircraft and declare that this machine is coming down. People around me ask me how I am so sure and I always say them not to question my experience and knowledge about aircraft systems. Though they are not able to make out the 'abnormal' engine sound that is coming out from aircraft, I can make it out clearly (best part is I don't even hear a sound from engine)! And within few moments the aircraft starts to crash. And when I see it coming down I never look at the person/s standing besides me to say that 'look I told you' but try to calculate the crash-site co-ordinates. Then without waiting for anyone I rush to that spot (without any hindrances) and 'ORDER' people nearby to call emergency services like fire, ambulance and to inform ATC that a bird is down at this location. No, I don't feel emotional about the whole saga and feel totally confident being in-charge of situation. I am calm and composed. Mostly I see that no passenger has survived the crash but it fails to shakes me up emotionally. If there are survivors I see to it that I go and rescue them without bothering about the spilling jet-fuel and flames near-by. I just go and do it and ofcourse ladies and chidren comes first! So far, I have never killed myself while attempting a rescue or anything and also never tried to find excuses not to rescue ! The dream usually ends up with me inspecting the burnt wreckage to see if there is any survivor by any chance with a very calm mind... "

Thats it, this is my most recurring dream and I never classify it in nightmares category because I wake up without any feelings. What puzzles me later is the fact that I don't show any emotions whereas in real life I get emotional even for the suffering people shown on T.V (yeah be it ekta kapoor's suffering tele-serial cast also). Yesterday I saw this dream with same chain of events when a plane crashed into a mall and me directing people to gain control over situation (no survivors). The only difference was that my paternal uncle and (may be) my mom was there with me and I told them that just 10mins back I was in this mall without mentioning whether I was lucky to have come out in time or anything. Yep this was the only difference.

Lets see what sleeps.com has to say about it:

Airplane Crash...

To dream of being in this event is a feeling of not only a dramatic negative change in your life, but also to everyone around you as well as your envorment. A very negative symbol and should be meditated upon. To dream of witnessing this event is symbolic of feelings of helplessness in the face of a great tragedy. In prohetic dreams this heralds a great change in the distant future (planes are associated with great distance). This change may not be negative.

I seriously want to believe in what has been written because it sounds very logical to me! But its definitely not something I would associate my dream. and I may be wrong.

Anyways, as I said before I am not not in a mood to interpret my dream so If you are reading this post and think you can help me out with the explanation then I will be very grateful to you. May be some day I will re-visit this post and try to tread on path to self-discovery through my dreams. In the meantime, dream interpretators need to note the points that I am obsessed with airplanes (my biggest passion) for their sheer beauty and engineering and that I don't suffer from any phobias related to air-travel/crashes/height or anything.

More later as I am calling it a day....

Men dont 'owe' their woman an Orgasm

2009-09-14T15:53:00.010+05:30

MEN-tal illness
EN-strual cramps
EN-tal breakdown
EN-opause
GUY-nocologist
When we have REAL trouble, it's a HIS-terectomy.

And lately

Orgysm

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

Few years back I received this joke (sent as facts) in my email from one of my female friend and and today, when I got an opportunity to write an article on 'Why men 'dont' owe their woman an orgasm, I added the last problem 'orgysm' because women have always considered an orgy synonymous to men ! I know women will immediately jump to point out 'deliberate' spelling mistakes by yours truly to support his cause but then all of us know that almost entire life of women gets wasted in changing men and their habits!

It was a song from a bollywood movie, which for the first time, gave a sneak- peek at orgasm to general Indian public. Before this video, an orgasm on celluloid was a mix of facial expression of yesteryears actress Rakhi and that of a person stabbed by our villains. Btw the magic moment starts at around 3:09 minutes of video length!

A drop of tear on subjects face after an orgasmic bonking session? You must be kidding me? She must be unhappy and unsatisfied with her partner!! Well an orgasm can involve changes in blood pressure, heavy breathing, muscle spasms in the buttocks, tension in the arms, legs and neck, facial grimacing, sweating, the sex flush (reddening of the skin on the chest and neck), tingling of the fingers and toes, yawning, moaning, screaming and uncontrollable emotional outbursts such as “weeping” and laughing (or bursting into songs like "Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!"). Some people report a feeling of undefined sadness after an orgasm, called post coital tristesse, which I always thought would make a great name for a rock group!

Sex Revolution in India

Before we begin discussing about the terminating part of sex, it would be worthwhile to discuss relevant foreplay of foreplay; recent years have indeed seen sex in India being transmitted from the brain to the nether regions of the anatomy. If it was `No sex please, we are British' for the Anglo-Saxons 35 years ago, it is `More of it please, we're Indians' at the turn of the millennium - at least for our Baywatch watching 'me-too generation'.

`Age no bar, caste no bar, sex bar bar' may be a awfully repeated and tiresome pun but never truer in the current context as queues of barely pubescent girls outside abortions clinics testify and broadminded classified advertisements become the general spirit of time and not matrimonial columns.

In these changing times, love is just another four-letter word with emotion a dispensable accessory and career an indispensable choice. Where for the amoral few love is not a post-dated cheque but like fast food with a shelf-life shorter than a Big Mac burger or a Coca-Cola can with Nike urging you on to Just do it. Where you try and live life king-size. And it is a sign of the times that a Bill Clinton is more an object of adulation and emulation not ridicule with a Monica Lewinsky treated more as a role model than a Jezebel.

Welcome to the era of hedonism!

Orgasm- Definition

As Anais Nin puts it “Electric flesh-arrows … traversing the body. A rainbow of color strikes the eyelids. A foam of music falls over the ears. It is the gong of the orgasm.”

So far so good, but a very poetic and useless definition that will appeal to most women who would immediately associate themselves with this expression if they managed to achieve one. Well to put the definition bluntly, an orgasm is like an enema under the influence of Ecstasy. A feeling of a pee-urgency which incidentally uses the same muscles group giving the same pleasure that one gets when relieved from this urgency. Of course there is a cocktail of hormones involved but physically the feeling is same.

Etymology

If there is one sure-shot information source for the 20th century history of bonking, I think is in the Shere Hite Hall of Simulated Simulation, or Stimulated Stimulation, or whatever- the-fuck- it- is: The Hite Report on Female Sexuality (1976), Shere Hite - Women as Revolutionary Agents of Change: Selected Essays in Psychology and Gender 1972-1993, The Hite Report on Men and Male Sexuality (1981) and Women and Love (1990). Apart from inadvertently coining the intransitive verb, "to orgasm" and bringing the Devil's Legionnaires, "the unreconstructed men", to their scabby knees, Hite was instrumental in paving the way for the overspill of female revolutionary ardour that Germaine Greer hasn't ceased griping about: femiNazism. And, of course, rather unsettling scientific Rand Corporation-like talk of human parthenogenesis!

Before the Hite reports, masculine selfishness was largely that of not caring about giving the female principle (principal?) a requited orgasm. After the Hite reports, every man worth his performance wanted to give his female partner an orgasm - till it was widely suggested that they wanted to because a female orgasm had become a victory pennant, an indication of male virility.

And then came the wonder drug-Viagra! Now every man worth a few dollars as an employee and cents in bed was a winner! But women were not satisfied. Some women (the usual feminist types) are blasting insurance companies in west for covering the cost of Viagra, but not birth control. They find this unfair, especially since the men taking Viagra are creating a greater need for birth control. Though they were happy with the orgasms they were getting from the use of Viagra by their men but at same time they are averse to the idea that some males were regaining their erections (read cure for erectile dysfunction). Well, as always, confused women who refuse to think beyond their orgasms.

There'd be no major controversy, of course, if Viagra were as cheap as aspirin. But Viagra's maker, Pfizer Inc., isn't exactly Pfoolish. They know men would do almost anything to regain or extend-(and in normal men super-extend) their sexual ability, even max out their credit cards. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Pfizer offers men a new credit card: Visa-gra. (Slogan: We'll keep your credit limit rising.)

You can't win. Men, you know that revolution will extract its collateral damage. You've been extracting it for millennia, without a revolution to justify it.

Let's face it, books, films and women/teen magazines paint a very different picture in which today's women are hot, raring to go and are effortlessly orgasmic and ‘normal men a hydro-carbon form of ‘orgasmatron”[8]

So for women (and men) who are not all of those things - and that is a great many of them - this type of media portrayal is, at best, is unhelpful and, at worst, painful and damaging. Indeed, today's teens and 20-somethings tend to believe that there's something seriously wrong with them - or even that they're frigid - if they can't climax (or give climax) to order. This is not the case. In fact, mostly they're absolutely normal.

Un-Orgasmic Woman (References from various ‘reputed’ scientific journals)

Medical

According to a 1999 survey, around 43 per cent of women in the US have some sort of problem with their sex lives (Journal of the American Medical Association, vol 281, page 537).

Female sexual dysfunction (FSD) is so common that the very idea that it is a medical disorder has come under attack. If nearly half the female population has a problem, say critics, does that mean it is the American society that is dysfunctional? In a related condition ‘anorgasmia’, about 15% of women report difficulties with orgasm, and as many as 10% of women in the United States have never climaxed. Many women who orgasm regularly only climax about 50-70% of the time.

Mind and Psychological

She did not often have such strong emotions . But she suddenly felt powerless against her passion and the desire to throw herself into the arms of the cousin whom she saw at a family funeral. â€œIt can only be because of that patch ,â€� said Marianne, a participant in a multinational trial of a testosterone patch designed to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder, in which a woman is devoid of libido. Testosterone , a hormone ordinarily produced by the ovaries, is linked to female sexual function, and the women in this 2005 study had undergone operations to remove their ovaries.

After 12 weeks of the trial, Marianne had felt her sexual desire return. Touching herself unleashed erotic sensations and vivid sexual fantasies. Eventually she could make love to her husband again and experienced an orgasm for the first time in almost three years. But that improvement was not because of testosterone, it turned out. Marianne was among the half of the women who had received a placebo patch with no testosterone in it at all.

I don’t need to elaborate on the psychological factors after many such cases and studies coming into light, do I?

It's folk wisdom that people can't think straight when they have sex on their minds, but when women have an orgasm most of their brains switch off.

For women, it seems, sex is a big turn-off, reveals a brain scanning study. It shows that many areas of the brain switch off during the female orgasm - including those involved with emotion.

"At the moment of orgasm, women do not have any emotional feelings," says Gert Holstege of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands.

Genetic

Is this the ultimate excuse for poor performance in bed? "Sorry, darling," the man says, just before falling asleep. "It's your genes."

According to a study, up to 45% of the differences between women in their ability to reach orgasm can be explained by their genes. Despite decades of surveys and conjecture about the role of culture, upbringing and biology in female sexual function, from Freud in 1905 to the Hite report in 1976, this is the first study of the role of a woman's genes.

Its findings suggest there is an underlying biological basis to a woman's ability to achieve orgasm. Whether that basis is anatomical, physiological or psychological remains uncertain, says Tim Spector of the twin research unit at St Thomas' Hospital in London, UK, who carried out the study.

"But it is saying that it is not purely cultural, or due to peer pressure, or to differences in upbringing or religion," he says. "There are wide differences between women and a lot of these differences are due to genes."

Evolutionary Science

No study has ever established a reliable link between a woman's orgasmic capabilities and her fertility or fecundity. And that, says Researcher Elisabeth Lloyd, should immediately set warning lights flashing.

And there's another problem: the glib assumption that female orgasm is designed to happen during heterosexual intercourse. In fact, the data shows that many women struggle to climax during conventional penetrative sex, and usually do so only with direct clitoral stimulation. Yet during masturbation both women and men can achieve orgasm in about four minutes.

The conclusion, Lloyd argues, must surely be that the female orgasm has no biological function. Rather, it's on a par with the male nipple - an accident of shared developmental pathways in the early embryo. Because women need nipples to suckle their babies, men end up with rudimentary versions too. They may not give milk, but like the female's they have erotic sensibilities.

As for genitalia, because men need ejaculatory penises, women end up with clitorises capable of similar sexual pleasures. Lloyd reckons that biases in evolutionary thinking have blinkered generations of mostly male biologists. It is time to give up the adaptationist's fallacy and face facts.

Fertility and sperm selection

It is obvious that orgasm in men is the means by which the chances of conception are increased--ejaculation of semen and an intense desire to do it again and again--and again. But it has been long known that women can conceive whether they reach orgasm or not. So what is the purpose of orgasm in women?

Research recently reported in Psychology Today ( Jan/Feb 1996) suggests that orgasm in women is a sophisticated way for women to unconsciously select which of a lover's sperm is used to increase the chances of conception. Two British biologists, Robin Baker and Mark Bellis, discovered that when a woman climaxes anytime between a minute before to 45 minutes after her lover ejaculates, she retains significantly more sperm than she does after non-orgasmic sex. In addition, their research results indicated that the strong muscular contractions associated with orgasm pull sperm from the vagina to the cervix, where it's in better position to reach an egg.

Yet, it was only three years ago that two British biologists, Robin Baker and Mark Bellis, tested the so-called upsuck hypothesis. They were building upon ideas articulated by evolutionary biologist Robert Smith, who suggested that since women don't have orgasms every time out, female orgasm favors some sperm over others. Baker and Bellis sought to learn just how female orgasms might affect which of a lover's sperm is used to fertilize a woman's eggs.

They discovered that when a woman climaxes any time between a minute before to 45 minutes after her lover ejaculates, she retains significantly more sperm than she does after nonorgasmic sex. When her orgasm precedes her male's by more than a minute, or when she does not have an orgasm, little sperm is retained. Just as the doctors' letters suggested decades earlier, the team's results indicated that muscular contractions associated with orgasm pull sperm from the vagina to the cervix, where it's in better position to reach an egg.

Baker and Bellis proposed that by manipulating the occurrence and timing of orgasm--via subconscious processes--women influence the probability of conception. So while a man worries about a woman's satisfaction with him as a lover out of fear she will stray, orgasmic females may be up to something far more clever--deciding which partner will sire her children.

Body symmetry

Thornhill and Gangestad reasoned that if women's orgasms are an adaptation for securing good genes for their offspring, women should report more orgasms with relatively symmetrical mates. Collaborating for a second time, the two, along with graduate student Randall Comer, devised some very interesting studies to test this idea.

Indeed, the hypothesized relationship between male symmetry and female orgasm proved to be true, the researchers recently reported in the journal Animal Behavior (Vol. 50, December). From data on sexual behavior provided by the women, those whose partners were most symmetrical enjoyed a significantly higher frequency of orgasms during sexual intercourse than did those with less symmetrical mates. Even the data on sexual experience provided by the men showed the women had more orgasms with the most symmetrical men.

It's important to note what did not correlate with female orgasm during sex. Degree of women s romantic attachment did not increase the frequency of orgasm! Nor did the sexual experience of either partner. Conventional wisdom holds that birth control and protection from disease up orgasm rates, since they allow women to feel more relaxed during intercourse. But no relationship emerged between female orgasm and the use of contraception.

The findings support evolutionary psychologists' "good genes" hypothesis: Women have orgasm more often with their most symmetrical lovers, increasing the likelihood of conceiving these men's children. Well, that's how it would have worked for millennia, before condoms and the Pill.

Explosive Findings!

If we use Thornhill’s study's findings to understand how we humans are designed to behave in the sexual domain, says Randy Thomhill, Ph.D., then we are better equipped to deal with problems that arise in relationships. He points to the following results as among those we should take to heart:

o A woman's capacity for orgasm depends not on her partner's sexual skill but on her subconscious evaluation of his genetic merits.

o Women's orgasm has little to do with love. Or experience.

o Good men (i.e good set of genes) are indeed hard to find.

o The men with the best genes make the worst mates.

o Women fake orgasm to divert a partner's attention from their infidelities.

The Male Orgasm

Male orgasm is not without controversy. The prevailing view only several years ago was that orgasm and ejaculation were one and the same. And this view was and is the single biggest herculean mammoth reason why women wanted their share of orgasm during every bonking session. A reason why most girly magazines and feminists advocated fiercely the idea that every women is entitled for an orgasm every time her male partner ejaculates (the word is ejaculate and not orgasm!) to an extent that they should be sued under law for not giving one every time and a single valid reason to find for one outside the relationship !

Fake Orgasm

No, I am not going to discuss fake female orgasm. After reading an article on idiva.com [12 ]in which the author taught women how to fake orgasm, I just couldn’t help but laugh at females who indulge in this phenomenon to supposedly massage a ‘sensitive male ego’ which, by any measure or comparison, is less sensitive than a female ego (a statement that all women will admit in their heart). Anyways, here is an eye opener for women who fake orgasms, those who are planning to fake orgasm, to those who think they are doing favor to men by making him orgasm and infact every woman who lie (pun accidental) on bed with a man!

1. Contrary to popular believes, women aren't the only who fake orgasms. In web surveys “50% women and “48% of men admitted they faked orgasm at least once. A random-sample telephone poll of 1,501 Americans, have shown that 48% of women and 11% of men faked orgasm. Faking orgasms in men become easier while using condoms, since ejaculation usually accompanies orgasm in males.

2. According to the results of a new poll from online dating service Lavalife, almost fifty percent of men have faked an orgasm. Faking orgasms isn’t just for the ladies anymore. An astounding 48% of the 9,100 men polled on online dating site Lavalife.com say they too have faked an orgasm.

Reminds me of a joke…

Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care !

Huhhh….huhh-huhhhh….duhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

And yes, according to research a man can detect your fake orgasms 55% of time! Pretty high score for a seemingly easy job, right women?

Medications

Since most of married women are on pills and young girls are feeding on emergency contraceptive pills on a scale that has not been witnessed in history before, its no rocket science to understand the nature of these hormonal pills interfering with libido, vaginal lubrication and orgasm (though you wont find the word mentioned in product information leaflet as it is totally optional). Also lot of common antibiotics, anti-depressants and other daily medications are proven to cause some type of sexual dysfunctions in women both till usage period and days after discontinuation.

Discussion- Why Men ‘don’t’ owe their women orgasm!

Much of our 'Me-too generation' has learnt or will learn the word 'orgasm' from girlie magazines like cosmopolitan, seventeen, femina etc. Orgasm advice is far from the worst advice girlie magazines dish out (that would be, say, tips on how to conceal your mega hips). But it is some of the most oversold. Hardly a month or fortnight goes by without cosmopolitan, seventeen, or (sometimes) femina promising "Mind-blowing Sex Every Time" or "Effortless Orgasms" or something equally hyperbolic. This can lead women who don't have orgasms every time — even with a magazines (supposedly) helpful advice — to think they or their partner is doing sex wrong. But it's also just dumb. Everybody's different and everybody needs to do something slightly different to achieve an orgasm. Yes, it's possible to make certain generalizations — most people don't get off on looking at the Taj mahal, for instance, but some people do (read sexual arousal with inanimate objects)! Point is, having a million orgasms after following a few generic tips is one of women's magazines emptiest promises.

“Why do I never experience orgasm?" an anxious wife asked after two years of marriage. That same question had been asked a hundred times over. Before attempting a reply, another question should be put: "Do you enjoy intercourse?"

If the answer is "Yes" there is little need to pursue the matter further. To worry about orgasm is quite unnecessary. Moreover, plenty of research shows that more you worry and try to achieve an orgasm, more it will elude you! Orgasm is a technical term which has somehow gained currency and many of those who use it have absolutely no idea what it means. All in all, If you like the feeling of a penis in your vagina, you're not missing out on anything. Get back to work ladies!

If the answer is No and if you are bound to think that the pleasure can be exquisitely prolonged by remaining in close union after the male climax has been reached. When your partner's withdraw abruptly means to you that the act is uncompleted. When you feel your partner's only concern was with his own gratification and that your body was mere means to a selfish end, and, the objective gained, he is no longer interested?

Well Men, if you are guilty of giving your women these feelings at a time when she is hypersensitive can be deeply wounding. It relegates sex to its lowest terms as a sheer bodily mechanism. A wife feels that she is not regarded as a unique personality, the one woman in the world who matters, but as little more than a convenience. Intercourse on these terms is hardly different from prostitution, except that it is not paid for in cash. Well this is what your women think or makes you think?

Who is at fault here? Men? May be No! Women? Yes!

As discussed above in research findings, achieving an orgasm in itself is a great challenge to an average 'normal' female than it is for her man to assist her to have one! Not only she has to battle the 'dysfunctions' in terms of anatomy which prevents her from enjoying the blissful moments, she has to even fight her genetic blueprints. She has to battle both the human evolution in those tense few minutes lying naked and the 'Orgasm-right men deliver in 4 minutes or get it free from somewhere else” advertisements forced down her throat by girlie magazines and some feminist section! To top it all, 'subconsciously' she is denying herself an orgasm if her 'sub-conscious’ mind's DNA-fingerprinting region thinks that the man who is riding her is a genetic disaster. And did I miss the latest research that links women orgasm to a man's bank balance? Anyways, Even if everything is in place, she needs to have a perfect protocol in place in terms of psychological or mental state to enjoy same.

An enjoyment, that tons of research establishes, is not dependent on length of act, foreplay, love, size of male organ, emotions, experience or sexual skill. My question is that when the blissful moment comes with so many riders then is this ‘phenomenon’ really worth it?

Introspection

What's an orgasm, mom?

I don't know, dear...ask your father.

As quoted above and something which will be immediately discarded by women because it interferes with the very foundation using which women have been blaming men for their sexual woes, Pan-global research has solid evidence that a woman orgasm is not dependent on the love, emotions, experience, size of male organ, length of act, experience or sexual skill of partner but on matters like genetic-merit (and of course bank-balance etc).

Even if we turn a blind to this plethora of evidences for sometime, I want to ask females exactly 5 questions.

Do they know and understand their bodies in terms of orgasmic capability achieved through masturbation?
Do they guide their hand and partner during act to achieve an orgasm?
Do they regularly work together constructively with their partner to resolve their respective 'sexual-deficiencies' (say premature ejaculation in terms of men ) or to enhance their future encounters?
Do they maintain the right degree of sensuality, hygiene and cordial atmosphere to keep their male partner interested?
Are companionship, monogamy and motherhood more important than orgasm?

If their answer is Yes to ANY ONE of the above question then they are on the right path to enjoy sexual bliss (orgasm still not guaranteed because of their many medico-anatimo-geneto-psycho reasons)

When she first met a man (that would one day become her husband), she went out of her way to wear sexy undergarments. She even bought naughtylingerie "just because." The man appreciated her gesture, and gladly reciprocated by buying her (the tightest, most uncomfortable) lingerie to wear on special occasions like Valentine's Day, anniversaries, Fridays ...

Then they got married.

Then they had a baby.

Then she went back to work.

Then she became tired.

Then she stopped shaving her legs.

Now she wears sweats and falls asleep on the couch with her mouth open.

Guilty? When was the last time you gave your partner a strip-tease? When was the last time you worked on his body that he moaned with pleasure? Seduced him at public place? Wore sexy lingerie to spice things up? The list is endless. I know the cosmo girl/woman is very busy to do all these things. Her career and responsibilities have taken over these the then yester-years essentials but they still want their daily dose of orgasm, don’t they? Are they really worth it? Most probably no, because they have stopped feeling and acting sexy leave alone caring for their partner’s desires. They have stopped making him feel special. They are not ready to discount his tiredness and stress but ready to have sex to beat same in their case [9] …and still they want to have their orgasm….hmmm

Reminds me of a joke I read few months back…

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection, either."

FemiNazism

I don't think the leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, "As long as women are split like we are, men will remain on top."

I have always felt that feminism movement is more to do with competing with men rather than making women compete with their existing conditions. They want salary on par with ‘men’, they want access to education and careers just like ‘men’, they demand same respect as ‘men’ and the list goes on and on to an extent that now they want to have orgasms just like men!

Question: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they never change anything!

Sexual liberation and adultery

Most of femiNazism finds its roots in the so-called ‘sexual liberation of women’. According to their definition, liberation was all about having sex with anyone and anytime, while being inside or outside marriage! Nothing mattered to them until they were getting sex at will and (mostly) on their terms. Sexual liberation, as a slogan, turned out to be another kind of bondage. For a woman it offered orgasm and pathogenesis as her ultimate and major fulfillment; it's better than motherhood and monogamy!

So far so good, but in the process is it the females who really got sexually liberated or men?

A perfect example would be the ‘pill’ to demonstrate this theory. Feminists will persuade you that they, themselves, wrestled politically, and successfully, with the male gender, in order to force men into accepting the pill as a valid means of contraception; a means which gave women the 'upper hand'!

Rubbish!

It’s always men who wanted (and thus invented) the pill so that they could have sex with them without bothering about pregnancies. Back then in 60s, ‘is she on pill?’ was the most important topic during boys-talk. They were desperately encouraging their women to take the pill - emotionally blackmailing them into doing so, pleading with them, at least, 'to try it', promising them a possible future marriage if they would, or threatening to leave them if they wouldn't. It was men who truly sexually liberated women because they were desperately sexually liberating themselves.

And, at the time, they had quite a hard time convincing women that sex without marriage was a positive thing for BOTH genders and, further, that women would not actually rot in hell if they used sex as a means of enjoying themselves.

The pill allowed men and women to cuddle, stroke, suck and have sex each other, without clothes, and without the previously high likelihood of pregnancies, which almost invariably led to both parties having to commit themselves to each other - for life!

The pill liberated both the sexes in this respect!

Sex with anyone and anytime is not something that can be termed as ‘sexual liberation’ for any reason whatsoever. Sex done in an atmosphere of mutual respect, if not love is true sexual liberation. Girls (and boys) should respect themselves and their sexuality, and demand respect from their partners. The question is not whether he/she will "respect you in the morning," but whether he/she respects you NOW !

Another question is whether casual sex guarantees a ‘straying’ woman an orgasm so much so that it has become extremely normal for people to try it once or frequently now-a-days? Research shows a very high probably that she won’t achieve the target. Apart from fear of STIs, contraception failure, guilt, fear, hygiene concerns etc, it is the man’s reluctance to give oral stimulation to stranger women (other than the one with who he is in a long-term relationship) that will put an abrupt end to their orgasmic adventures. The reason is that only a very small percentage of women can achieve orgasm through penetrative sex and most of them needs some sort of clitoral stimulation to achieve their dose of heightened ecstasy and since god has been very unkind to place clitoris far away from vagina, penetrative sex alone cannot help them orgasm when they have sex with a stranger (or with their partners)! Sex with a stranger will give them lots of adrenalin rush but sadly it’s the dopamine and oxytocin cocktail that is needed for an orgasm. Reason enough to stay faithful to their partner and train them to give them one (of course if the individual body is designed for same)

A straying woman may not be of much help to herself but she is surely giving amazing service to men around. Men are surely getting their dose of ‘sexual liberation’ in greater quantities without having to unleash their ‘menists movements’ to bring change! As I said before, who actually is a larger beneficiary of this so-called ‘sexual liberation’, Men or Women?

Fertility

Upsuck theory recently tried to justify a female orgasm. According to it, a woman can retain more amount of sperm i.e 5% during orgasmic sex compared to 1% in non-orgasmic sex which can. In turn, increase the chances of conception by 5 times. My question is how many times women want to get pregnant? More so when they are timing the occurrence of their orgasm by sub-consciously evaluating the genetic-merit of their partner? I am not going to question the research findings because I know that a high-pressure followed by low pressure always create a pressure in any system in this world but at the same time I wont discount the age-old doctors advice on conception that during fertility period it’s the quantity and not quality of sex that increases chances of conception! I don’t know about others but I am sure some girly magazine and feminists will definitely start writing articles on the importance of orgasm during conception period making our innocent women fall prey to the contents so much so that they will be convinced that they were not only product of their father’s orgasm but also their mother’s orgasm (I can see some feminists grinning seeing their computer monitor reading same)! By others I meant ‘fertility clinics’ who will start their infertility treatment by first teaching women how to orgasm and then start with conventional treatments if the woman fails to achieve this supposedly important milestone to achieve motherhood.

Final nail in coffin

Excerpt from Research study.

“The most important factor in falling in - and out - of love is dopamine. Dopamine is the neurochemical that activates your reward circuitry. Orgasms and addictions have two things in common. They both produce an initial pleasurable experience, and both are followed by an unpleasant hangover. The sexual satiation (orgasm) hangover is innate. It can be such a subtle part of you that you do not connect the dots--unless you switch to making love without it for several weeks, and then go back to sex with orgasm. "What goes up must come down." simple biology; body systems must return to balance, or homeostasis. What goes up and down in this case is your dopamine. That can play havoc with your mood and the way in which you perceive, and treat, your partner. Research shows that prolactin surges immediately after orgasm in both men and women. Men may experience this prolactin surge as the "roll over and snore" phenomenon. In women, the effects may be delayed for days. We notice that the effects come and go for about two weeks.

There is an inverse relationship between the levels of prolactin and dopamine; when one is up the other is down. This rise and fall produces a dopamine/prolactin roller coaster of highs and lows, and this roller coaster is a major part of the post-orgasm hangover. To summarize thus far, orgasm leads to a drop in dopamine and a rise in prolactin. Both of these lead to multiple behavioral and emotional symptoms, which, in our experience, can arise over the next two weeks. During this time, behavior may change for the worse. More importantly, lovers' perception of each other can shift dramatically for the worse.

Lovers who wish to strengthen their emotional bonds are likely to make more progress with daily skin-to-skin contact, gentle stroking, and gentle intercourse. This kind of affectionate, generous contact also produces oxytocin and soothes the regions of the brain that need to relax in order for us to bond. The occasional blast of oxytocin at orgasm, which drops soon afterward (along with dopamine), probably isn't as reliable a bonding mechanism. When dopamine drops your mate registers as less rewarding, even if you dowse your limbic brain with oxytocin. We need the right levels of both dopamine and oxytocin for that loving feeling.”

No women problem can be successfully explained (or diagnosed) without mentioning hormones at least 10 times in the explanation. There are two instances that I came across in last two weeks fortifying the dopamine research. One is the discussion on a national news channel NDTV in which the doctors explained the behavior of most of top female models when it comes to sex and how they are so addicted to dopamine-high that they think their survival is at stake if they don’t get that high daily and which in turn explains their casual attitude towards sex. Second Instance is a popular tele-serial ‘sach ka saamna’ (indi version of ‘moment of truth’) where a woman passed two questions where she said that her husband (a merchant navy officer) is the love of her life and she is extremely satisfied with her married life but in later part of show admitted to having sex outside marriage (godd…the song that’s playing in my playlist is ‘yeh akhiri alvida na ho’ from ‘shootout at lokhandwala’ movie..lol) !! A smiling husband’s face suddenly transformed into epitaphs of hundreds of orgasmic sex encounters with his wife written all over it!

After reading above research and instances, which man in his right senses would like to give a woman an orgasm every time? An orgasm that will become an addiction which will make his female stray in his prolonged absence or an orgasm that will throw his woman into bouts of depression and anxiety thus affecting the quality of relationships? Or an orgasm that will make his partner resent him in long-term associations? Please do go through the research articles in ‘references’ at the end of article to get detailed view on this aspect. They are a must read.

Conclusion

Sex was always considered a potent form of stress-reliever but somehow in the (wrong) course of human-basic-needs graph it has become an object of huge stress for both men and women today. At one side I have men who are overly concerned about their performance on bed, which they have foolishly associated on par with virility and a sure-shot way to prevent their woman from straying and on other side we have our women who have forgotten the sweet joy of womanhood (and motherhood) and the virgin emotions associated with it and to whom an orgasm is now a must to feel like a woman (in any role)!

Repeating my earlier statement,

“I am just saying that every woman is entitled to an orgasm if she wants and can achieve one!"

A supposedly-humorous way to end this serious discussion would be to kabooom the words like vaginal, clitoral, anal or blended orgasm because their occurrence is pretty rare for all the world’s reasons. A man and woman would be much happier in a relationship if they follow the following orgasm-pattern during sex which ,all of you will admit, are very common in your sexual encounters and which also demonstrates higher degree of sexual arousal and blissful state just like an orgasm…well…contrary to popular beliefs

There are at least 7 types of ORGASM of a WOMAN:

1. The Optimist: Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes................

2. The Pessimist: Oh No, Oh No, Oh No....................

3. The Confused: Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No...........

4. The Traveler: Ahhh, I'm coming, I'm coming............

5. The Religious: Oh God, Oh God.........................

6. The Usurer: Ahh, More, More, More..................

7. The Fake Orgasm: When you hear, "Oh(Insert your name here)..Oh (Insert your name here)! :D

And now go back and re-watch the video-link I gave at starting of post from 0:00 minutes all the way till the end to know what sex with a partner is all about and women….dont get struck at 3:09 minutes of video-length!!!!

References:

1. Mind-

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-orgasmic-mind http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg18625053.600-womens-orgasms-are-a-turnoff-for-the-brain.html

2. Medical and sexual dysfunction-

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17165-six-things-science-has-revealed-about-the-female-orgasm.html

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg18624991.800-review-the-case-of-the-female-orgasm.html

3. Genes

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn7481-genes-blamed-for-fickle-female-orgasm.html

Upsuck theory-http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/article/node/1108

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199601/the-orgasm-wars

4. Men orgasm and Fake orgasm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fake_orgasm

http://blog.light-of-reason.com/archive/poll-says-50-percent-of-men-have-faked-an-orgasm/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199911/beyond-orgasmatron?page=4

5. Body symmetry

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199601/the-orgasm-wars?page=3

6. Hormones

http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain

http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect

http://www.reuniting.info/hidden_factor_in_relationship_disharmony_slides

http://www.reuniting.info/science/dopamine_separation_after_orgasm

7. The most important sex statistics

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic

8. Orgasmatron

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasmatron

9. Why women have sex

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Why-women-have-sex-revealed/articleshow/4981575.cms

10. How to have fake orgasm

http://www.idiva.com/bin/idiva/faking-orgasm

Flu-kia – Disconnecting People!

2009-08-12T19:04:00.012+05:30

Background

When Benjamin Franklin was quoted saying “If God blesses a Man, his Bitch brings forth Pigs.”, Women, I know, took huge offence until I showed them this video on youtube !!

okayy..leave pun aside...I am back again to discuss orgasm-hungry Indian media's latest sex toy...'The Swine flu'!! Two days back my father, after listening to "aah..it feels so good...fuck me...harder..deeper..almost there..fuck YOU' cries of Indian media, called me up and 'ordered' me to head back to their place of residence (Hyderaabd) for a week or 10 days because swine-flu is the in-thing right now in Pune and he doesn't want me to get fucked up by it and die as a non-virgin! Now, I don't know whether to laugh or cry listening to my father's demand? Laugh because he thinks my company is some government organization wherein you can take leave at the drop of hat and cry because why it is not like that! My refusal was met by a string of guidelines which included wearing face mask, washing my hands and other parts after coming from office. I mean I am being forced to do two things which I hate most in this world. I mean who the hell takes bath for second time in a day unless you have a wife (first two years of marriage) or GF accompanying you for a hot and steamy session there? Even then I will think twice before wasting, which I call, the most precious commodity in this world...water!! And ofcourse wearing mask is next to accepting talibanization! Now I am all for human rights but I am forced to accept pigs-rights (precautions actually and pun in again accidental) !! Come to think about it. What is the difference between a towel-head and me cruising on busy city roads on my bike/car wearing a face-mask and carrying a backpack just like our al-qaida suicide-bombers? This city and I have been taken hostage by an animal that is so-not Islam and me...PIG!! For the first time I saw the black race in my city 'protesting violently' wearing face masks against Mexican race which translates into the fact that world now thinks that there is a race (read mexican) which is worse than black race! This has given a new dimension to worldwide racism ! Okayy..I just made up the last reference! Let the story begin...

Now I am not here to teach you what swine flu is all about, its etymology or prognosis. I can do that in detail because I am often referred as minus-MBBS by my family and friends but since this article may get circulated around the world, I don't want to be linked as another reason for deaths! But before I begin the 'funny' part of it, let me tell you that its just another flu but a little more virulent than human-flu counterpart. Don't worry because in a few-days our countries famous 'October-heat' will kill the virus (when exposed to air it has a shelf-life of 6-8hrs) as it cannot survive above 37C. Its just that the weather is too conductive for its spreading just like our human-flu! Also the fatalities that are taking place are mainly due to, what we call 'acute respiratory distress syndrome {i.e Upper respiratory tract infection (tonsillitis, sinusitis, pharyngitis etc) leading to lower-respiratory tract infection like pneumonia}, which points to secondary infections by bacteria or by virus both leading to either bacterial/viral pneumonia (latter being more deadly as the bodies immune-system get too overly-active and thus starts destroying lungs) leading to- multiple-organ failure and finally death . All in all, don't panic at all. Your regular dose of analgesics and antibiotics (to check secondary bacterial-infections) are more than enough to contain your flu but If you have symptoms like dizziness, difficulty breathing, vomitting, abdominal pain, bluish lips, orange/brown coloured sputum , blood in sputum and fever that has not gone down for 3 days then you should contact and fix an appointment with your local health provider asap. But what I dont want you to do is to head to these centres (which are already few in number) with your clinically insignificant symptoms and contribute towards delay in treatment for the needy. Dont indulge in this crime for god sake! This is where I want media to air solid facts and guidelines for public and not contribute towards creating unnecessary panic and hysteria in public! Remember normal human flu kills 36,000 people in US alone every year! GET EDUCATED AND RESPONSIBLE !!

Anyways, let me give you a funny fact. It may not be so funny when you read it but it will definitely help you in understanding our Viagra-laced Indian media a little bit. In Bihar, many districts are getting affected by cerebral malaria (count 1000 till now from last month) and has resulted in 30 fatalities so far. Compare it to 15-odd deaths by swine-flu. I know I am comparing a pandemic with a local issue but there has not been a single reference to this episode by any news channel whomsoever except our humble age-old DD news! You know getting swine-flu is actually stylish. Just like our prince-boy , who after falling into a bore-well even attracted attention of our PM, one can be a overnight hero if you contract this disease! Reminds me of 'visa advertisement' by aamchi-mulga Sachin Tendliya- "SWINE POWER- GO GET IT!!"

Thanks to media, 99% of my company employees are wearing masks. Almost 90% of people I see on road, while heading to and from office, are wearing masks. This is the power of media in india today. But I felt very sad and sorry for India today. 200 people get swine flu and everyone wants to wear masks here. Millions have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom !! This is the classic-case to show how shallow we are when it comes to addressing long-term problems compared to short-term problems! Sad..very sad! Why Indian media doesn't care to unleash an unprecedented campaign against 'sexually transmitted infections/teenage pregnancies' etc on same lines with how they are glorifying 'swine-flu' outbreak. This fucking country is really very funny when it comes to issues like these!

A few anecdotes

Shifting my focus from my favourite punch-bag-Indian media, let me share with you some anecdotes from last few days to calm things here.

A week back when I entered my office premises, my gorgeous receptionist almost threw herself on me and asked with battering eyelids 'hey vyomkesh, have you heard of swine flu?". By now I was so angry with this topic that I smiled at her and winked 'is that a new pick-up line gorgeous" and then pointing at my naked-finger I told her "I am already engaged sweety"!

Second incident happened when there was a general briefing by our resident doctor around 4-days back about 'do's and dont's of swine flu'. During question-minutes I asked doctor saheb if swine-flu can be sexually transmitted? He told us that when staying near a affected victim can give you swine-flu (due to coughing and sneezing) then how can I be so stupid to ask such a question. I re-phrased my question asking him "what if my wife gets infection and I have sex with her wearing N-95 mask and don't kiss her at all?just the intercourse part! Can it then get 'sexually' transmitted?". Seeing his face and reaction, for once I felt that its so much fun to confuse so-called-subject-matter experts! Ofcourse he dodged the question saying that I don't look like one who is married but I immediately passed the buck to my married-counterparts saying that the question originally came from married-league! To this day people ask me the original script-writer of this question!

Now another perennial question I face almost daily is 'vishu, you are the only guy who gives or acts to give damn to swine flu. How can you?". I always answer "Tomorrow I can die because of it. I know that. rab raakha! (means god will take care) but as a 'programmer"...unless WHO issues an 'error' message (and not a 'warning'), I am not worried about swine flu!" (software guyz will understand this so-called joke!).

Next discussion comes from our pantry during lunch hours when everyone seemed to looked tired searching for the right-masks (read N-95 masks) but couldn't get them because of scarcity. One of them told the gang that he read in newspapers that handkerchief or cloth is safer than most of the masks available with pharmacists as they absorb droplets (because of sneezing and coughing) left by swine-flu affected people and are multi-layered. Now I told the gang that I know of a better thing that is much safer than everything! I told them to make a mask out of 'sanitary-napkins'. They are multi-layered, hygienic, converts so-called infected droplets into gel and locks them inside and are perfumed too (that is how they advertise them, right?). Brathable? Oh yes! Females have been using it for eternity to cover their lips! Female gang members were obviously taken aback but knowing that yours-truly has had enough of these discussion they laughed it off. But seriously I feel I just gave Indian men the perfect opportunity to be a true 'feminist' and feel what women feel! Do let me know in comments (if at all any) if you think I should pass this idea to Stayfree, Whisper, Kotex, she etc companies to come-up with more innovative products using sanitary-napkins?

I can see some people here are even trying hard to eat there food with their face-masks on. God help them! Company should ask pantry's caterer to deploy some swine-flu special dishes that can be inhaled or felt to kill hunger!!

Lastly, I have a sore-throat and a little cold from last 2-days and whenever I sneeze my cubicle-neighbours see me as if I just raped a pig!

Flu and me..

So when was the last time flu really affected me? I don't remember because Its been ages since I got flu. I do get fever but it is of maximum 24-36hrs duration and much to my parents displeasure, I start acting like a horse who is on cocaine-drip after 24-hrs of onset of fever. Frankly speaking, for me fever is a very big thing especially when I always go into shock when I get it and it becomes very difficult for my family doctor to control the temperature but ,as I said before, I respond pretty beautifully to analgesics. So the question again pops us as to when flu really affected me? Now I remember it. Late last year in Pune, horses in stud farm caught 'equine flu' and racing season was thrown out-of-gear for almost 45 days. Now I love visiting race-course and see horse-races. Yes, I think that was the only time when flu really affected me and my lifestyle. I hope it never returns back!

Flu and You..

Yours truly, keeping in view public interest, has come out with necessary guidelines to help you cope better with swine flu. To start with, here are some (and not all) swine-flu symptoms for you:

Tears flow from your small eyes during a nightly bedtime reading of 'Three Little Pigs'
A small curly tail is growing at the top of your tailbone.
When called to dinner, you head directly to the trough in the backyard.
Your thumbs and big toes are missing.
You apply mud instead of sun-tan lotion on a sunny day.
You develop a liking for truffles.
At each meal you literally lick your plate clean.
You emit short snorts between sentences.
When friends visit you, they remark, “Man, this place is a pigsty!”
Fever accompanied by the smell of bacon.
If your face resembles the image printed below in morning.

If you are demonstrating any one of the above symptoms then you should immediately see your healthcare provider!

Flu and my employer

Here each employee got a pack of lime-scented wet tissue pack, sanitizer and masks to cope with swine-flu outbreak. So far so good. Good HR practices? Definitely yes. But 'yeh dil maange more'...perhaps 2-3 days holidays!!
In any case, I feel that distributing sanitizers is a waste of money (350 bucks/bottle) when I Know my Indian brothers and sisters have a habit of washing their hands even after using a sanitizer! No I am not ridiculing them. I mean how many times have you seen these guys and girls carrying a bottle of water inside toilets in US and Europe stealthily when there are wet-wipe tissues already stacked inside these toilets to clean their hairy asses?

Treatment

Treating swine flu is very simple. Here is step-by-step explanation of treatment.

I am suggesting the tried and tested conventional doctor’s office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol. Why? Because alcohol kills germs! So, next time put on your mask, walk to the liquor store (exercise), put lime in your Corona (fruit), celery in your Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!

Think about it! It will definitely help you...

Flu and regional fight amongst Indian cities to be 'truly-global cities'

....and the winner is Pune!! Aamchi Pune has beaten every god-damn city in India to emerge as the truly global city thanks to the highest number of swine flu cases here. Middle finger to you Hyderabadis who think that they own Americas and Delhites claiming London/Canada! Now don't you give me excuses that your swanky new airports have better swine-flu screening apparatus in place and that is why your city is nowhere on swine-flu map. Idiots, my Pune gets only one international flight from civilized world (thus discounting Dubai flight) i.e from Frankfurt and that too its an all business-class Lufthansa flight (more middlefingers) and still my city tops in swine flu case. BBC, CNN, Fox... everyone has my cities name whenever Indian swine-flu reference comes. Your Nawabi-cites are down..kaput! Wowww...I am sure I must have hurt lots of egos here but this is a fact. We are a truly global city! Hurrrrayyyy...

Swine-flu advantages

I know you must be thinking that I must be crazy to chalk out swine-flu advantages. But here are some.

Go and buy stocks of pharmaceutical companies who will be mass-producing swine-flu vaccine.
Re-engineer or refine the virus strain and use it as a biological-weapon.
Keep your wife/GF/husband/BF away if you need a break from them.
Women can use it as another excuse (after headache) to deny sex to their men. "Honey not for another 1 month..you never know who has this flu" I know some men have a comeback for headache thingy saying "let me rub some disprin/aspirin on my penis and perhaps you can give me a handjob then" but here they will be left defenceless as 'Tamiflu' medicine is not available over-the-counter (OTC).
Adventure-loving couples can use closed-down multiplex/malls etc parking-lots to have sex.

(More to come as I get more creative...(

Expected Headlines in Media

Before I stop my blabbering here is a list of 'expected headlines' that you 'may' see in tomorrows paper or when this swine-flu saga ends..

Miss piggy, babe, porky pig, piglet and ham are arrested under charges of conspiring against humanity.

Terrorist experts surmise osama doesn't just have a camel but also a pig, a bird and a cow.

Mexicans finally fall beneath blacks in the eyes of white racists. blacks riot in the streets with surgical masks on.

Kermit the frog admits he knew miss piggy had it but still slept with her anyway.

The millions of hamsters, rabbits and ferrets start terrorist organizations aimed at their former owners.

Pigs boast to other animals for being the first to land on the moon. hoofs maniacally stamp out neil armstrong's print.

Miss piggy admits to having swine flu for the past twenty years, as well as AIDS.

Cheap pig snout masks, that lazy halloweeners buy, skyrocket to 2500 bucks.

The ugly duckling becomes defunct when a children's author writes about the only pig in the family to have the flu

The media explains the initial typo that it's actually "wine flu" which leads to countless suicides in italy

Starving artists start dropping pigs off in beverly hills

A local reporter finds a man who survived mad cow, avian flu and swine flu. When asked about it, he replied, "i've just always been good with animals!"

Pigs try to tell us how it started but we still fail to understand the linguistics behind oink-oink-oink

and finally,

1,000-5,000 people stationed in Antarctica laugh at the world's problems

Closing words...

As quoted somewhere in the post, 36K people in U.S die every year because of normal flu. So to speak, the current situation is not as bad as media wants it to sound. Even if tomorrow you contract this disease (got forbid!!) it may so happen that you will get away symptomless or demonstrate extremely mild and clinically insignificant symptoms! And this will be experienced by majority of individuals. Remember swine flu is not at all fatal if you know when to approach your doctor and with what 'specific' symptoms! Stay green....

P.S-

1.N-95 is not a model of Nokia's mobile phone but a type of 3-layered mask that doctors recommend as a pre-emptive measure to tackle swine-flu for an individual!

Vyomkesh musings

2009-08-04T18:28:00.010+05:30

These are some of my day-to-day thoughts 'unsuccessfully' moulded into shayari (urdu poetry). In short, yes they are all original and not inspired by any 'established' poet !

1. Situation- Rajesh, in josh and during fight, told his present GF that he had a GF before her....aage kya hua or hoga...that is everonez guess :rolleyes:

arz kiya hain..

josh-e-jawaani-e-ranjish-e-bakbak mein khatun se jab bayaan kiya ki
tumse pehle bhi is pak-e-marasim mein kadardaan rahe hain hummare
bistar-e-marg mein bhi haqiqat-pasand ne raastbaaz ke umr daraazi ki dua maangi
ke dilbar do din aur jee lo to tumhe roz maare !!

ranjish-fight, khatun-madam, bayaan-narrated/told, pak-e-marasim- sacred relationship
bistar-e-marg- death bed, haqiqat-pasand-truth lover, raastbaaz-truthful, umr daraazi-longevity, dilbar- sweetheart/darling

2. Situation - One of my friend went (not in intoxicated condition )

tere do nain mein
likhe jo khat hai
woh mere liye hai
jab bhi main padtha hu
shayar ban jaaata hu

and we all went waah-waah and then I went...

kajal se kheechkar mera pata

jo phir rahe ho aankho.n mein khat liye hua
tamaam mahulleywaale sawaal kar rahe hai mujhse
ke qasid ki koi khabar hain aaj?

tamam- all, mahullewaale-neighbours, qasid-messenger/postman

and every one scratched their heads till one of them got the beautiful meaning in it...lol

3. Situation - During bait-baazi (poetry competition) my friend went...

Tere jaane ka gham na raha
tere aane ka dar sa raha

beautiful lines.... I said...tere aane ka dar sa raha...beautiful!!

and I went like..herez to a nagging wifeGF after she comes back from work eve..

raat na aayi...tum aa gaye...
 kabr na khudi...maulvi aa gaye!!!

more to come...

Mans best friend-DOG !!!

2009-04-21T17:35:00.008+05:30

I have a Labrador and I feel I love it more than I will ever love my own child. Few months back I asked my mom (who I see as my spiritual guru) why I am so much in love with 'chotu'? She replied to me that it is because he cannot speak. "Hmm...interesting point" ,I said, 'Elaborate it!' Mom told me that this is perhaps the only living thing in your world who cannot cut your heart or brains with knife called tongue. He cannot answer you back when you go ballistic on him, he cannot complain when you leave him and go to Pune, he cannot complain about anything ranging from food, entertainment to pain he feels when he is ill etc. The only thing that he knows is to wag his tail and love you. Hmmm....that reminded me of a story that I read in Hindi subject in 10th standard wherein author pointed out the fact that the only reason for conflicts in this world is the ability of humans to speak!! According to him the world would have been a peaceful place if we had communicated only through eyes. I totally agree with him now !!

Anyways, this post is not about an essay about dogs or whatever. Remember the blogs name is 'itz a funny world' and I don't intend to turn it into serious philosophical rants. It so happened that yesterday I was checking my Orkut account and stumbled upon a profile in 'spice jet community' (yeah i still fantasize about air-hostesses..) in which a member meant something like 'I have an attitude and I know how to use it !!" Interesting thing I thought. Later in evening when I was waiting in a restaurant for my 'take-away' order, my mind ventured again in same direction...' screw the world...I have an attitude and I know how to use it". By that time I had forgotten all other details of the profile except for gender! Hmm...'WANNABE!!'...my 1st thought...'social/personal Identity problem/crisis'...2nd thought....'Acceptance problem'...3rd thought...'' experienced discrimination or traumatic childhood/schooling'...4th point and lastly 'low-self esteem and inferiority complex that has disguised itself as superiority complex". These thoughts were enough for me to formulate another 'law' that I usually write in 'things I learnt from relationship' section of my Orkut profile. I would have included it there but seems like there is space constraint. My laws revolve around the word 'dog' because this is the only perfect and peaceful relationship a man enjoys in his life (hence the introduction of this post)...as i always say..'more I meet people...more I love my dog!!"

Laws of Social Relationship by Vyomkesh Saxena....

1.A dog that goes around saying to other stray dogs that he doesnt eat your thrown food anymore but still peeps into your kitchen gives definition to words 'hypocrisy' and 'self-assurance'

2.Stray dogs attract stray dogs and their love produces more stray dogs.

3.Proximity principle concludes with the fact that its strongly recommended to euthanize pet dogs at the 1st sight of infection than to vaccinate it!

4. stray/pet dogs shud stop peeping into their masters bedroom. master knows more mattress moves compared to their one and only 'doggy style'.

5.stray infected dogs, even if domesticated or given quality life continues to be stray, infectious and dangerous to society. Thats the irony they need to accept and live with..sooner the better!

6. Unwanted or paranoid dogs who periodically sniffs in and around your surroundings should preferably, if possible, consult a vet psychiatrist.

7. The only reason why dogs have so many friends is because they wag their tails more than their tongues..

8. A dog that goes around 'barking' that he has attitude and gives a fuck to the world is the one who suffers most during 'kennel cough' !!

9. A dog that ignores his master for strangers risks being put into 'adoptables' category or to say the least misses out his daily diet more frequently!

10. A dog who shares his food with other stray dogs should get deworming treatment by his master every two months instead of usual 3 !!

11. Shampoo to treat ticks in pet dogs doesn't work for long if your pet dog stays too much with stray dogs. Master should treat infestation maximum two times before leaving the pet to lead jungle life !!

12. Not every dog comes with class and standards. A dog who remains composed when a vet gives him an injection is the one who can be safely tagged as 'blue-blooded' !!!

13. Most of the diseases in a dog can be predicted by studying its pedigree !!

14. Jealousy is the classic trademark of stray dogs and they never miss a chance to attack pet dogs for same reason. Never its the other way round !!

15. Dogs keep barking..caravan goes on..

16. A stray dog barks at his fleas but a pet hunting dog does not notice them.

17. One barking stray dog sets the street barking.

18. A stray dog, after being scolded and ignored, goes about its business. A pet dog slinks off into a corner for a serious self-reappraisal.

19. A pet dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down. A stray dog , on the contrary, sleeps wherever he feels cozy !

20. If you lie down with stray dogs, you get up with fleas !

21. A drunk man will never confess that he is drunk. Same way a paranoid stalking dog will never confess that he was stalking pet dogs. The moment pet dog growl and shoo him away, he hits back at pet dog giving an impression that its the pet dog that had time to stalk a stray paranoid dog.

22. A pet dog will never have any stereotypes about other dogs. To him every dog is trustworthy. He will go near the stray dog to be friends with him without any inhibition but stray dogs religiously follow rule#14 & 18 and attacks him at first opportunity. All in all, a pet and stray dog can never be friends. Trying is futile.

23. Even highly trained dogs go around barking and attacking. Follow rule#12 & 13 before adopting them.

24. A stray dog will blame the whole world for his misery and will never leave a chance to pounce and attack on everything. A pet dog, on the contrary, will seriously to some self-appraisal.

25. Pet dogs have a very bad memory when it comes to remembering bad treatment given to him by his master whereas a stray dog has an excellent memory and knows exactly who shoo'ed him away and in which street and at what time. This is perhaps the only reason why pet dogs are lovey-doveys and stray dogs so dangerous.

more to come....

Divorcing lady nicotine....

2008-11-09T19:32:00.004+05:30

Thank heaven, I have given up smoking !... God! I feel fit. 'Homicidal', but fit. A different man. irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine. ..Thats me...a non-smoker for past 3 months!!

I used to hate it when people used to say that Iem addicted to my smoking babies but common buttheads...all of you overuse this word "addictive"... I think smoking can be a habit...and my love for anything is a habit and not an addiction!!

"How do I feel now??" Thats the question every damn non-smoker ask me every other day... from my parents, siblings, nanny (yeah i still have one at this age!!) to my friends, servants, liftsman, watchman and blahblahblah....I hate it! The reason why smokers dont ask me this question is because they know it pretty well that watching smoke dance out of a cigarette is like watching a girl dance out of her dress....its erotic...its sexcellent !! smokers understand the fact that for first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward. Oh btw...to answer non-smokers question...please refer to first two lines of this post and NEVER again ask me this question. You know why I love martians....they never used to ask me why i set fire to dozens of pieces of white paper and put them in my mouth and you know why i hate earthlings..thats because not only they used to question me for that white paper stuff but also derive strange kind of sadistic pleasure by trying to prove me that Iem a 'quitter'....huhhh!!

It's all one thing - both tend into one scope -
To live upon Tobacco and on Hope,
The one's but smoke, the other is but wind.

In any case, coming back to the reasons why my smoker friends dont ask/say me anything is because they know that tobacco, divine, rare superexcellent tobacco, which goes far beyond all panaceas, potable gold and philosopher's stones, a sovereign remedy to all diseases is by and large the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want? A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke....a good cigar...hmm...a good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores...now what more can you crave for in your life? They all laugh at me because every morning iem forced to find food when they can do away with a cigarette and a cup of bad coffee...yep..i envy these lucky bastards....I sincerely do from the bottom of my heart...There exists a intangible habit which lives on, despite the recasted me....the dead drug has left a ghost behind and at certain hours it haunts the house...goddd....how much i miss my mistress :(

Tobacco is a dirty weed. I like it.
It satisfies no normal need. I like it.
It makes you thin, it makes you lean,
It takes the hair right off your bean
It's the worst darn stuff I've ever seen.
I like it.

Why I dint quit smoking..

I wish my dad had threatened me with hard work and not lung cancer as a reason to quit smoking....lol....I would have quit it at that instant!! Anyways, the reason why I dint kick the butt was that I never wanted to quit it. Reasons like nicotine is more addictive than heroin and that one should reduce the intake to finally quit the habit were my lame excuses. Cigarette smoking was not an addiction for me but a pure habbit !! ofcourse, the reason given out by smokers at the starting of post should not be discounted either!!

The 'Reason'

World is after me to know the exact reason why I have quit smoking to an extent that I dont allow smokers to smoke in my presence and give my signature top-down-up look to people when they light up butts in public places. Well, I will keep it very short. On my birthday last year, one of my servant (and a very close friend) met with an accident and went in deep coma soon after. I rushed to hospital and till his last moments I was praying to god that if he decides to spare his life i will quit cigarette permanently. He din't listen to me and the guy died right on my birthday date!!Hmmm....on that day I decided that when i go up i will punch whoever god comes on my way and tell him that "look you thought I am making a false deal and you took him...now what you have to say you *******"???

....now that you know the reason...please dont discuss it with me anymore. It was a traumatic experience... best forgotten !!

I may be preaching but I strongly feel that when a guy like me can kick this habit then it must be a cake-walk for other people to bid adieu to lady nicotine provided they want to kick this lovely habit. The best way to stop smoking is to just stop - no ifs, ands or butts...i have done it...sure can you!! nicotine patches....hmm..they are only useful if you stick them on your eyes and try to find you pack of ciggs!! I know these words alone cannot motivate you and that voice should come from within but rest assured...when you enter my place or you are in my presence....remember my words in 'bold'-

"Thanks for Not Smoking.... cigarette smoke is the residue of your pleasure... it contaminates air, pollutes my hair and clothes, not to mention my lungs!! This takes place without my consent. I have a pleasure, also. I like a can of juice now and then. The residue of my pleasure is urine.. would you be annoyed if I stood on a chair and pissed on your head and your clothes without your consent? "

Having said it all, I used to smoke two packs a day and I just hate being a nonsmoker.... but I will never consider myself a nonsmoker because I always find smokers the most interesting people at the table....and i mean it!! :D

OBC Quota and Social engineering- My Views

2008-04-15T21:47:00.013+05:30

"The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing"

These were my first thoughts when I heard the supreme court ruling on OBC quota in education institutes and likes. Though it is being hailed as a landmark judgment keeping in view that the 'creamy layer' has been kept out of quota nets, I fail to understand that in absence of a clear definition of 'creamy layer' in HRD ministry, how exactly will government decide who constitute this so-called creamy layer. A definition has cropped up that anyone whose family income is more than 2.5 lacs is creamy layer. So far so good but at the same time MP's and MLA's have been exempted. I mean what the fuck...dont they earn more than 2.5lacs as salary (leave alone crores as extra income)..and if they think they are doing a thankless job then please put civil servants, municipal corporations big-wigs in the same bracket. According to me, this is height of Indian law and policy makers stupidity....2.5 lacs...did they take into consideration what happens if the family, which collectively earns 2.5lacs, has 8 mouths to feed!!! Personally I feel this judgment was a band-aid keeping in view the wide protests by young students otherwise this is just another stupid policy decision that fucking congress has managed to impose on Indian public. For the record, now we have 49% (+-0.5%) reservation on Indian soil. Well...welcome to mandal 2 and divided India. Personally, my dream to see this country a forward-looking country has been hit by insomnia. Now that congress has achieved what it has successfully achieved in last 50 years in terms of dividing country, It has already started working on reservations in private education institutions and industries!! duhhh...

Now does that mean i am anti-reservation!! Absolutely no !! I am pro-reservation...infact I dont mind if SC/ST/OBC's get them...my point is...what has government done so far to elevate the forward caste people who are economically backward? Nil, zero, void, null...absolutely nothing !! So to say, where does this logic of social engineering comes when at ground level...everything boils down to the economic scene of families rather than castes etc...I mean common man...did any government ever thought about actually implementing quotas on basis of economic scene of families in India. Take example of my galfriend....in her MBA preparation and buying forms..we invested more than 35 thousand....is it possible for a normal person to do this??

Now let us take some case studies (as always)...

Few days back there was this uproar when a farmer from UP, in his speech, called the UP chief minister a dalit...its different that he retracted from his statement fearing administrative backlash...but my question is...what is wrong in calling her a 'Dalit'? No, personally I would never call any person an SC/ST/OBC/Dalit...but I dont see anything wrong when this farmer called her a dalit...i will give you the reason...this female rose to power playing the dalit card...she gathered votes by projecting herself as a dalit-saviour...now if someone calls her a dalit...then where is the fucking problem? Now you call ambedkar a dalit leader...but when u call ambedkar a dalit...u have dalits on streets in India destroying public property !! I remember that on CNN-IBN a person called mayawati's antics 'social engineering'...mann..on that day i realised that I have failed in my anthropolgy/sociology lessons and i need to start it all over again...SOCIAL ENGINEERING...Duhhhhhh

Now my point is, when am SC/ST/OBC has guts to take advantage of reservation system in India then why does he fume when someone calls him a sc/st/obc?? I mean height of hypocrisy....you take advantage of a system by projecting yourself as a weak candidate...you snatch admissions from general category people by proudly declaring that you are from reserved category...then what is the harm in accepting and flaunting that you are from a low-caste. If you are so good then why dont you give up your 'special category' status after bagging that seat in college and job..infact even if you become an IPS/IAS..you want your children to also take advantage of this system....now..how does that change your status as a human, citizen or someone who WAS from a deprived section of society...all in all... stop over-reacting when someone calls you an SC/ST/OBC...trust me..with your ethics you deserve it big time !! Please change the laws...no crime when someone passes casteist/racist remarks...if you continue to take advantage of system..we will call you by your existence...hmm...there goes down my dream of unified india...dippppppppppp

Now there was a point that a director of some educational institute made while discussing this OBC issue on NDTV 24X7......according to him, OBC's do better in academics as compared to general caste people...well point noted and thanks for the racist research...that reminds me of a person named XYZ from my yester-years...well my sister used to take tuition from same gal where he was also taking accounts tuition...now it so happened that he once taunted saying that 'jinke parents chhoti posts pe hote hain unke bacche zyada aage badh jaate hain compared to unke parents jinki posts high hoti hain'..in english it means BULLSHIT....i mean is this the same guy who i used to protect in school when some jealous guy used to taunt that his parents rose from a low post in government to what he is today...i always used to give a blunt reply that atleast his father made an attempt to grow in life compared to your father....but now i have this guy who has developed this PSEUDO superiority complex....now that left me in a shocked state...is this the guy with whom i am friends when he has so much venom inside him..it somehow makes me reaffirm my conviction that 'chhote log hamesha chhote hi rehte hain..zindagi mein kitna aage badh jaaye..soch aur jeene ka tareeka inka chhota hi rehta hain'...which translates into 'no matter how much you elevate yourself economically or status wise...you will remain what you are...basic instincts !! I mean what have you done in life that forced you to make such comment..are you from IIM's...even if you really had brains for it...you have guys doing MBA from harvard/stanford...i mean common man...rise from such gutter mentality and compete with yourself...dont set your standards by competing with people..everyday set new standards for yourself....I dont know...i have some really good friends who have rose to heights battling odds in life..and they have elevated themselves as a person...both economically, status, ethically etc ....i mean ask me top 3 things that iem proud off and i will say..my family (includes my GF), my knowledge and these friends...but its the people like the ones i discussed above that interferes with the rose-colored glasses with which i see world...anyways...

I took this example because I want to ask this director...how do you actually evaluate a person's intelligence, knowledge, ethics etc....through coursework exams?? common now...in my engineering days..i had friends who scored 95% in CBSE and barely managed to score 55% in engineering....i had friends who were 5 pointers in 12th standard but scored distinction in engineering...i dont know other things..what i know and experienced was that these toppers in 12th standard were exceptionally good when it came to programming (rahul kardam if you are reading this...you are the man!!)...and techie stuff compared to the 5 pointers who believed in cramming up books and vomiting in exams...na i was distinction holder in both...but still personal experience...what point I want to make is..."intelligence is absolute constant in this world....itz just the population which is growing'...i am no yardstick for measuring anyones intelligence...but according to my standards...98% (inc the examples i took) of people I meet are the ones who have been fed on books and doesnt have 1% intelligence, research aptitude and creativity in them to be really called technology or other professionals...common now even a bcom can code now-a-days with all these GUI friendly platforms.....code in c/c++ and that will filter the intelligent from normal IT junta!!

lesson# I dragged this non-reserved category person in this discussion because I want to make a point about Indians. If there is any person who must be happy with Indians..then hez got to be Stephen covey of 'seven habits of highly effective people' book fame. The seventh habit of 'think win-win' has been completely redefined by Indians. Taking clue from last case study, here we have people who leave no chance to prove that their success is due to the fact that they fought all odds and if they fail, they leave no chance to convince people that atmosphere here is not conductive for a less privileged person to follow his dreams. A classic case to demonstrate this feature is of our union health minister Mr. Ramadoss. When he faced the public backlash for interfering in AIIMS autonomy ...he came out with the statement that he was being victimized for being an SC/OBC . Holy fuck, elevate yourself Mr. Ramadoss...its the same public who voted you in Lok sabha..gave you a dream position in government...and still you are ranting that you are an SC/OBC. See, this is what i meant...these people never change for good...they play this win-win game...the guy's example I took sometime back..he forgot that it was me who taught him many subjects in school days, helped him with his projects, fought for his social status and infact gave my personal computer to him (when i shifted to pune) so that he can make best use of his diploma in computers...see...Indians forget everything very easily and follow their basic instincts..so to speak...where does this concept of social engineering comes when citizens of this country dont want to elevate themselves from gutter mentality?

“Artificial intelligence ? No thank you, I don’t need crutches.” -my assembler teacher in college

Now this is what i meant...what we need in professional colleges are not the guys who who reads books and vomit in exams...most mediocre students can do that very well and tragedy is most intelligent people cannot...what we need is students who have research aptitude and are creative...i dont say reserved category people are not born with such genes...what i mean to say is that we need to have COMMON eligibility criteria as the first step towards admission/recruitment process...after that you can use whatever quota card you have...but at stage one..we need common mechanism for admissions...infact that would even save these reserved category from humiliation that they generally face in IIT's etc for getting admission by lowering standards!!

"Is it obvious to you as well that too many people are educated far beyond their intelligence?"

This applies toto for reserved category students. By lowering the elegibility criteria, what we are doing is feeding these individuals with knowledge that is far beyond their intelligence levels. Yes, they will come out as graduates/postgraduates by cramming course books...but at base level...my personal experience says that not even 20% of them will come out as ' real professionals'... Think about what i quoted above this paragraph....i am sure 100% of you will agree to it !! Following discussion is little out of topic but I had some friends who convinced themselves that just by taking admission in a professional course makes them a champ in it...interesting...I wish them all the best...personally i feel real education is not what course or coursework you are pursuing...well everyonez reading the same concepts and books around the world...but its how much out-of-the-box thinking you apply to tickle your brain cells and most importantly...i repeat most importantly how much void you feel from inside that there is so much to learn and not enough time for it...i mean considering yourself a champ from day 1 is something I was when i was preparing for entrance examinations...My mom used to rightly say say.."just because you have bought competitive exams forms doesnt mean you will get admission in engg colleges...you will have to work hard!!".... so true...but if i had been in reserved category I would have had a power-packed reply...the way the standards are lowered in eligibility criteria and quantum of reserved seats....I think putting 10% effort (compared to general category people) would have secured me a seat in engineering colleges here!! Anyways, my point is whatever you learn...think in terms that learning is all about unlearning and stop feeling a champ just because you are pursuing a coursework. If you are doing engineering from a normal engineering college...compare yourself with IIT'ians and see where you stand..If you are an IIT'ian compare yourself with an MIT'ian...common guys...feel that knowledge void inside you...that would bring out the best in you!!

Do IIT/IIM/AIIMS need reservation?

Absolutely NO !! These are centers of excellence and should be treated like one. There are lots of central and state universities in India where quotas can be put into effect but please leave these institutions alone. Infact IISc, national law school etc and UPSC, Defense services, DRDO etc should also be exempted from reservations. Reasons are simple. How many so-called creamy layer people, after investing thousands in tuitions etc, are really able to crack these exams? How many creamy layer people can actually afford hefty 11lac fees of IIM's now? Since graduation is must for writing UPSC... why an SC/ST/OBC, who graduated using quota card, should be treated as special case when the syllabus of UPSC revolves around graduation subjects? Does graduating from ONLY top-notch institutes will see this social class rise in society?

Some of the tens of questions that come to my mind when i think about elite institutions and professions in India....

Having said most of the things, the solution I have for this reservation problem can be summed up in following points..

1. we need reservations. Reservations that are based on PER-CAPITA economic scene of family and not on castes/total family income. Also please take into consideration any outstanding loans that family has (loans in terms of needs and not luxury).

2. under present reservation policy, person should be entitled to reservation only once in his lifetime and his subsequent generation should not be allowed to enjoy this special treatment.

3. under present reservation policy, a person should be allowed to use reservation card only once i.e either in taking admission in educational institutes and job-hunt as unreserved category or take admission in educational institutes as a general candidate and use his reservation card while hunting jobs.

4. Eligibility criteria should be common for everyone. When it comes to professional courses, maintaining high standard is the keyword !!

5. No reservation in private sector. period !!

6. After admission process, psychometric testing should be MUST in accessing a candidate when he/she takes admission in professional colleges to filter out low-IQ-book cramming individuals from the ones who have high intelligence and research aptitude . That would bring quality in professional studies in India and please dont lower IQ level standards for reserve category students. Already Indian government research institutions are in pathetic state !!

7. Centers of excellence in education like IIT, IIM, AIIMS, NSL, NIT's, IISc (and if possible state/central university campuses) and professions like UPSC, NDA, DRDO, ISRO, BARC etc should not be put under quota nets.

8. Dont vote congress to power next time or any party/individual that rose to power playing caste card!!

'Software Testing Engineer' Zameen par- Every tester is special !!

2008-03-15T20:17:00.006+05:30

Time to rephrase the 'maa' song from 'taare zameen par' to suit this profession...TM refers to 'Testing manager'

Anthem:

main kabhi complain karta nahi
par critical bugs ko lekar developers ki maarna chahata hoon TM
yun to main, dikhalata nahi
par paid-vacations par jaana chahata hoon TM
tujhe sab hain pata, hain na TM
tujhe sab hain pata, mere TM

issues mein yoon na chodo mujhe
ghar bhi jaa naa paoon TM
team pe itna bojh na do
baaki colleagues ko yaad bhi na aa paoon TM
kya itna bura hoon main TM
kya itna bura, mere TM

jab bhi kabhi project client-side pe deploy hota hain
ticket pe ticket aate hain TM
meri nazar dhoondhe tujhe
sochu.n yahi tu aa ke work distribute karega TM

TL's mujhse poochte nahi
manual kam..automation zyada karna chahta hoon TM
work effort pe effect aane deta nahi
par repetitive task karke bore ho jaata hoon TM
kya itna bura hoon scripting mein main TM
kya itna bura,mere TM

jab bhi kabhi...test cases prepare hote hain
ambiguity se kaamp jaata hoon TM
meri nazar dhoondhe bugs
exploratory testing hi karte reh jaata hoon main TM

on-site team se kehta nahi
par unke acquired-accent se seham jaata hoon TM
video confrencing me chehre pe aane deta nahi
dil hi dil mein gaaliyan deta hoon unko TM..
tujhe sab pata hain na TM
tujhe sab hai pata, mere TM

main kabhi batlata nahi
par on-site jaana chahata hoon main TM
yun to main dikhlata nahi
company se bhaag jana chahta hoon main TM
tujhe sab hain pata, hain na TM
tujse sab hain pata, mere TM

Motivated Indian- The real terrorist!

2008-02-09T22:09:00.002+05:30

Hypothalamus (in brain) is one of the entity involved in various kinds of motivation like, for example, the 4 F's- Fighting, fleeing, feeding and mating!! God has been very kind (or unkind) to fit this mass of tissues in humans...but a worldwide research also shows that Indians genes, responsible for the formation of this part, have mutated to an extent that western scientists have decided to call it 'hyperthalamus' when it comes to Indian race. Confucius in his drunken state once came out with this gem "only the wisest and stupidest of men dont change"...and though the indian genes are constantly mutating (thanks to globalisation)...an overall indian hasn't changed much from his neanderthal ancestor!! He is motivated just to perform the 4 F's mentioned above just like his ancestors. East has always been seen as the region of wisdom and spirituality but somehow stupid Indians have taken this to heart and are convinced that west sees india as this 'so-called eastern region'...duhhh...you are part of south asia assholes...not east asia! Got my drift?

Now i was reading an email sometime back from an Indian and that changed my mind from writing a post on the regional divide in india to the one depicting the 'highly motivated' Indian (see how a simple thing can motivate we bastard indians...see!!)...now before we take up case studies of motivated indians...let me acquaint you will the structure of 'union of India'...this country is divided into 5 parts...north, south, west, north-east and maharashtra (thanks to raj thackarey n likes)!! Economically it is growing at around 8.7% per annum and Social structure of this country is as complicated as the american policy on iraq... rebuffing the popular notion that this country has many religions..there are only two religions Indians follow and those are 'terror' and 'terrorised'...and again contradicting the most popular notion that this country is has tens and hundreds of castes....indians are generally divided into 8 castes...the wise men, farmers, herdsmen, artisans, soldiers , shopkeepers, overlookers and govt servants/ministers. Indians take huge pride in declaring themselves as the only species on earth following culture and traditions which, according to me, is only suggestive of bacteria culture!!

Now, coming back to the real topic of motivated indians being the real terrorists, I would first like to define the word terrorist for you. "Terrorist is a person who uses organised violence against governments"....'organised' is the catch word here because no one other than indians can come close to the prefect art of being 'organized'....right from the days of indust valley civilisation to this day...indians have impeccably organized themselves according to states, communities, beliefs, language, economic status,the kindof work they do n blahblahblah....now we are organised, we are classified as persons, sectarian violence is our second name...and we are a democracy....dudes..we have a working government!!Now we totally fit into the oxford's dictionary of a terrorists, dont we? Hmm...an immediate question that will pop in your mind is.."then what is al-qaida, lashkar-e-toiba etc'....well guys they are freedom fighters...If you can make a movie like 'legend of bhagat singh' and 'rang de basanti' a hit...then why shy away from calling these so-called extremists as freedom fighters!! See...so naive on the part of Indians to consider bose and bhagat singh as freedom fighters and branding osama as terrorist, right? Now i brought this topic in our discussion because i want to know what is common between these terrorist orgs...well..i will tell u...they ALL hate AMERICA....but here in India...we hate EACH OTHER!! yes mofo indians....we hate EACH OTHER...dont you think that should be the single biggest reason behind we being the most ugly form of terrorism!! Indians are cancer that is spreading rapidly throughout the world in the name of globalisation...and if this breed is not nuked (well..you use radiation to kill cancer cells, right? but if a country is cancer then itz justified to be nuked) as soon as possible or we will end up having society divisions in US too !! Now who says USA is a racist country, just say the word 'racist' to an american and he will shit in his pant..he will shit right there...they have been kept so much in control by their laws that word racist...n..."whats that smell??"...growth for the sake of growing is an ideology of a cancer cell...and this is what this Indian union has been pursuing ever since it came into existence and that is why i call this country a cancerous organ on mother earth.

Coming towards to the motivated indians, well to me a fanatic is a person who doesnt change his mind and doesnt change the topic and indians are the epitome of fanaticism...watch any god-damn indi news channels and you will come to know what i am talking about..even if its as small (or infact big) as cricket fanaticism!! An Indian is so convinced about his stand on everything that is related or not related to him that give him an opportunity and you will repent why you sprung the topic! Try to be extremely reasonable in your explanation and his motivated mind would continue killing you with the most unreasonable and stupidest of arguments...if you are wise enough to suggest a change in topic...he wont let you....he just wont let you go away with it. If you want a classic example of it, turn on your TV sets everyday in morning and tune in to DD1 and watch the elected members of India having debate in lok-sabha!! That should give you a hint or two about the motivated indian terrorist!! Now i have always put a question mark on the citizens of this stupid country and their abilities to compete with the west...but i must admit it today...if people think motivation is the key factor behind excellence then Indians, who i call those most motivated race, completely give a new meaning to motivation for all the wrong reasons you can think off!

Now let me take up a few case studies to take my point further..as i said Indian society is divided into 8 castes...we will take them one by one and assimilate them in the two religions we follow..that of being 'terror' and 'terrorised'..

Farmers..

According to census taken in 2000-01...55% of our population is into farming...now how would you brand these farmers as motivated terrorists...lets c...indian farmers are mostly uneducated and that makes them a liability on indian development...a government in india is formed because of a farmers vote and they are single-handedly to be blamed for all the wrong governments india has seen so far. No matter if the government policies are making them commit suicide in large numbers in practically all the states in india...these politically motivated bastards dont change for good...infact if you sympathies with them for following the 'terrorised' religion...then trust me...they are the one who belongs to the 'terror' religion in this country for voting terrorists into power...so tell me..a person who supports a terrorist..well isnt he also a terrorist? a motivated indian terrorist...

Herdsmen..

In india, technically a herdsman is a farmer (rich or poor)...but socially...herdmen are people in india who divide india according to language, caste, region etc...let us take a recent example...Raj thackarey from a regional party in india is trying hard to take up this job of a herdsman by declaring that a state called 'maharashtra' in india is only for 'marathis' and that people from north have no place for them in this state. Now that is something against my constitution which gives me 'freedom of movement'. Now this motivated indian terrorist bastards comment has put bombay in jeopardy...therez terrorist activities all over the city...outsiders are being beaten up..their means of livelihood being burnt into ashes and i am sure there must be even rape cases that the govt is hiding/or not properly reported!! Now i want to ask this mofo terrorist...from where they derive their motivation? I want to ask him if he sends his children (if any) to marathi-medium schools or not? infact there are many such questions that come to my mind...I mean he was the same terrorist who tried to give clean chit to 70-odd terrorists who molested 2 women on new-years eve in india and who had photographic evidences against them to prove the case. You know what, i seriously want to start fucking marathi girls from now on the pretext of marrying them later...fuck one each day for atleast 2 years to come...because even if the case comes up for hearing that 730 marathi girls slept with me on my bed after being falsely promised...there would be terrorists like raj thackarey to help me get away with it saying that 'marathi' women dont sleep with men other than their husbands"!! see what i mean?? There are likes like him in practically every state..be it karunanidhi in tamil nadu or mamata banerjee in west bengal..these breeders herd the terrorist breeds..motivate them with all the wrong information and make them indulge in terrorist activities..

Artisans..

now an artisan is a person who is skilled in an applied art....now to me an applied art can be theatre...sports...and likes...now..indian artisans are highly motivated in their approaches....let me take up a few example...amitabh bacchan is one skilled artisan of indian film industry..he doesnt like to call it bollywood..i mean does this mofo understand how wrong it would be to call bollywood as indian film industry when there is a film industry in every state and even if he floats this terrorist idea to nationalise the industries...no local film industry would be game to his idea..i mean hello?? people from karnataka cannot even share a glass of water with govt of tamilnadu (cauvery water issue) and you are asking the directors/producers of this industry to share their heroines on bed?? I mean does he even understand the gravity of situation before making such motivated comment? Now apart from that he is highly motivated to make money...i mean then how can you justify an artist of his stature selling antacids (hajmola) and oil on indian TV...i mean did u ever see a top artist from hollywood selling chocolates? now every hollywood artist has been a porn star somewhere in his/her career (yes your titanic's kate winslet and angelina jolie included)..but as they rose to stardom...they understood the meaning and responsibility for being on top (angelina is with UNESCO n stuff)...but our motherfucker artists are so motivated to make money...that they terrorize me with all the products they sell...terrorize me in the sense that yesterday i saw deepika padukone selling fiama 'dewillis soap saying that everytime we take bath..out body protiens gets washed away!! holy shit!! she did terrorize me with her ignorance and motivation to earn money by misleading public! extending them to sports, a fucked up cricketer is sleeping with this deepika padukone and such is his motivated approach towards his love that he always sees two balls hurled at him from the other corner and ends up sucking the imaginary one leaving the other to go to stumps...see... a person who is motivated more on off-field activities and terrorize indian people everytime they want their country to win a match!! see..they follow 'terror' religion and are highly motivated in whatever they are doing!

Soldiers

I had a high respect for them because i was brought up watching TV serials like 'param vir chakra' and stuff...and personally i always wanted to be a combat pilot...but i guess the armed forces read my intentions in advance and avoided me for the simple fact that i would end up carpet bombing 10janpath, parliament etc....now any countries armed force is highly motivated...but come to think about our forces...we go in kashmir in 1989 and rape local kashmiris...the protectors became animals! Now on 27th december last year, i went to c-off my sister who was leaving for USA(no, iem not a gulti)...now some big-shot army officer landed up at the hyderabad airport just before we were on our way back and headed for the army base...so while we were driving down the airport road...a part of his convoy which was sleeping at the airport tried to overtake us on raod by blowing horns like crazy...it tuk us a few seconds to give side and that fired an army recruit to an extent that he dint see a blue-beacon flashing car and ended up saying 'mader#$%@ etc etc' to my driver!! pheww...are these the people who are entrusted with the security of our nation..if they cannot respect the citizens..how would you expect them to respect motherland..i think its just the money that drives a uneducated fathers son to join army..nothing else. Added to that..the same driver, who hails from BSF (border security force), told me that if u try to get into an argument with them in north-east states..they shoot you on point-blank range...holyy shitt...these terrorist motherfuckers open fire on their own citizens in a remote part of india which largely goes unreported and even if reported the killed locals are branded as ULFA militants or sth....mann...such motivated indian armed forces terrorists are a shame on this country...

shopkeeper

well a shopkeeper in india is highly motivated to make money by any means...even if that means getting into adulteration, tampering weighing scales, selling you things more than their market price etc etc . Now i see adulteration as biggest challenge because this motivated terrorist doesnt think once about the health implication before selling his goods to buyers. Now i dont see shopkeepers as the person who sells something in a shop. All those tele-marketers, financial policy sellers etc all come under this domain. Such is the motivation of a tele-marketer for his job that they wont think twice before terrorizing people at 3 in night to sell their products. recently i went to my parents place and insisted on seeing their financial portfolio..now a motherfucker agent sold my dad some of the worst mutual fund policies in which there was lotsa commission money for him. Added to that my dad specifically asked for mutual funds and this bastards gives him a unit-linked insurance policy on name of mutual funds along with funds worth 1lac each..i mean investing 1 lac in a single mutual fund is something a crazy guy will do.... Now my dad is a very simple man and he doesnt understand what mutual funds are, exit load etc etc...so i called up this motherfucker's boss (personal relations) at angel broking and made it very sure that this guy was thrown out from the firm for treading the highly motivated path of cheating customers and terrorizing their families!! see at what level these motivated indians can stoop to!! duhhh

overlookers

well..what can i say about them...these motherfuckers is the worst caste in india...worse than govt servants/politicians....they are silent breed that doesnt react even if their mothers/daughters are being raped in front of their eyes...hmm...i may get too emotional addressing these bastards...so lets leave it here...they belong to terrorised religion

Govt servants/politicians

again a redundant topic to discuss i guess....

wisemen

They are extinct now...some of them are still living (uh-uhh) but they dont come out much and socialize and force their genes to mutate....well they are wise men and wise men are only motivated...motivated for right cause!!

Having said it all, I feel its high time indians introspects themselves from deep within and stay away from fanaticism... negative motivation to destroy their own countrymen...and lead their daily activities the way mahatma gandhi, vivekananda etc wanted them to lead! Intolerance, deceit, lack of general awareness, blame game, prejudices, short-sightedness etc.......what will all these things lead you to?? I will tell you....another motivated indian terrorist!

herez a poem i wrote sometime back which looks apt for this post...this is dedicated to the newage-indians when they decide to join the wisemen caste ...when want themselves to be called 'motivated indian- an ethical competitor!

mann akela, tann akela
is poore brahmaand mein.....main akela!!
saathi hain na koi humsafar
khuda hain, na dharm mera
khada is gardish mein....main akela!!

pag soone, dishaayei.n sooni
chala jaata hoon suraj ki or
raste mere hamesha ujjwal
parchayi bhi ab mere peeche akeli
parchayi bhi ab mere peeche akeli
chala jaata hoon bas suraj ki or main...akele!!

rokta hain koi, poochta hain mera pata
hasta hain koi mujhpar, disha dikhata hain koi
samjhaye main samajhta nahi
mujh mein dhadhkati aag
kam hone deta nahi main
chala jaata hoon bas suraj ki or akele
peeche aati parchayi ko poochta nahi... main!

ruk kar aaine mein pratibimb dekhta nahi, (aaina-public/society..pratibimb-shadow))
varn ko sheeshe mein dhaalta nahi main, (varn-outlook, dhaalta-force down)
mann mein sheeshe ki tasveer bithata nahi, (doesnt care 4 wot ppl think abt me)
sheesha to sheesha hain,
saaf hota to safa kehta (if ppl wer so gud..they wud say only gud things)
chala jaata hoon bas main suraj ki or akele
peeche aati parchayi ko dekhta nahi.. main!! (i 4got my past)

khwaab mere the, manzilei.n meri thi
raha inmein nidar, beroktok...main!!
chala tha main suraj ki or...
pahuncha waha....bas gaya wahi...main
chala gaya duniya se main...akela
jal gaya jism, rooh phir bhi
suraj k tez se dhadhakti rahi
milna to tha usse jaa ke ishwar se
par pata nahi kahan ghum ho gayi woh....

mann tha akela....tann tha akela
meri rooh ki bina ab...yeh kayanath bhi akeli!!

The Indian fashion quotient...

2008-02-08T18:54:00.005+05:30

Now I am a huge fan of fashion shows and watch them with the same interest with which my grandma watch some swami Ramdev do acrobatics on someHindi channel (aastha or what?)....Now I seriously don't know whether she likes watching naked men or is it the real stuff they want to teach masses...but I, for sure, don't watch fashion shows for naked women (or wait for that wardrobe malfunction....JUST IN CASE!!)....I watch fashion shows because I want to know how women will dress 15 years from now (and the fabric material) and whether the girl I choose while hunting brides (see my 2nd last post) would fit in them well or not..I mean come to think about it...do you think the clothes models wear on ramp can be put to use by even a sexy and shameless socialite like Paris Hilton!! Hell no, these clothes are all for future. I know an immediate question will pop in your mind that when a common man cannot wear them then why these fashion shows? My dear bastard countrymen, fashion shows are not about the dresses models wears and the cuts (silhouette is one small component)...its the showcase of latest fabric research, colors, imagination, glamor and sex that follows in end!! I know you are still scratching your heads...lemme give you an example...How long before you hairy-ass people (especially you gals) went to a hosiery store (thats what lingerie shops are called in India, rite?) and asked for underwear's (I am using this term because I have something for you later in this post) with LYCRA?? Hmmm...not before 2004 I guess when you heard that advertisement campaign 'Lycra has it!' which, assholes, was flashing for last 4 years in west!! I will tell you, Dupont who holds this 'Lycra' TM made fashion designers showcase it in lakme fashion week 2003...and from then every jerk in India went gaga over this simple-stretchable fabric that was invented 40 YEARS BACK!!! Now you understand what fashion shows are all about...now you want underwear's, bras, jeans, tops blablah... with LYCRA as if it will make you look beautiful (duhh!!) or its some wonder fabric that will contain the smell of your sweat (all hairy Indians smell and that makes this race stand out....in my opinion, deos should be shove into their ass permanently!)....now got my point about the importance of fashion shows (now stop smelling your armpits and concentrate on article!! )..

Coming back to Indian fashion Industry, as I said they are very controversial....I mean look at the timings...you had the wills lifestyle fashion week autumn/winter 2007 in march last year in Delhi which coincided with Newyork fashion week (not sure whether it was Newyork or something)....and then you had this lakme fashion week in October which coincided with the Tokyo fashion week (leave alone the organizing rights controversy)...I mean how the fuck you think the local fashion designers would get the right international exposure if they miss such big events not to miss that international contingent who would be more willing to attend Tokyo fashion week as against some fucked up Indian fashion week....you are loosing out guys...get your organizing skills overhauled or you Indians who were, are and will continue to be bunch of flaccid dicks in every field!!

Anyways, let us concentrate on, what I feel, the biggest blunder that Indian fashion need to overcome...and that is SHOBHA DE!! Blame it on Indian media...they get all the wrong specialists on their discussion panels to discuss the most important issues of the day...a classic example being shabana azmi-javed akhtar duo to discuss secularism...I mean holy shit....these big time motherfuckers are the 'noble' prize winner in pseudo-secularism..Now these are the same feelings I got when I saw shobha de commenting on both the fashion weeks (both in march and October) on some news channel...everday she would sit with some 'cum (read controversy) hungry' news guy and comment on the various designs showcased on that day...now let me acquaint you with shobha de...she started her career as a model (very briefly)....became a celebrated novelist (the fact about this stupid country is that everyone becomes famous if they do things as small as falling into a well and then getting attention of even PM...remember the 'prince' boy falling into a well and his rescue mission flashing on every Indian news channel for more than 72hrs continuously?)...and a columnist now with a news magazine(inc TOI)...now to tell you my opinions about this ugly socialite...in craze..i picked one of her novel..I don't remember its name (inc characters) but it went something like.."X was a fat woman...her husband has problems for sustaining an erection (must have been Indian!!)...she closed the door...took his dick in her mouth..massaged it...and when it became slightly erect...placed it between her thighs and allowed the 'love juices' seep in (no thrusting u c !!)....after nine months they had a son/daughter...."....I mean I would rather prefer to read 'letters from penthouse' then that stuff..I closed the novel the very next moment...what we call screenplay in cinema was so fucked up that I dint have courage to flip the second page!! And now here i see this 'famous novelist' commenting on fashion and fashion designers!! Her comments were so vague, non-technical and bullshit that it made me fume....I mean how can a person, sitting in a news center, comment on designs, colors, fabric, imagination of a collection by watching on a LCD/HDTV!! 'beam me up skotty'...because I want to check the brand of LCD in use there as colors, intensity,contrast differ greatly from brand to brand....I mean heights of indian ignorance...next time ms shobha de...go live sitting beside ramp so that you can actually see the real colors, silhouette, fabric etc...that would be more digestible...in fact heres an advice to media guys...next time get a panel of yester years dress designers and let them comment...inviting a socialite is a big blunder because these clothes are not meant to be wore in society...her brief modeling career doesn't equip her with the knowledge of cuts-fabric-designs etc...she just wore them and walked on ramp dammit...and it also took her 45 second flat to change from one outfit to another behind ramp..you think wearing an outfit for 30seconds would make her an expert!! GROW UP Indians..and promote yourself from being generalists to specialists!!

Having discussed the screwed fashion industry and expertness of likes of shobha de, what do you expect to see on Indian roads?? yes these countries filthy streets are full of fashion blunders...BIG BLUNDERS!!

Now we will discuss boys stuff later....but I want to put this question to all the women of this 'smelly country"...how many of you actually go lingerie shopping in right way? I mean except for 'does this panty have Lycra?"...what else you know about lingerie?? I know thats an essay type of question and I don't want you to get bowled out in the first question of this exam...so lets go to very short answer types! Do you know how many panty-types you have?? I know the maximum you can say is 2!! lets get down to a case study....now i see 99% women in my city wearing formal trousers with a well marked panty line!! Does that ring a bell? Now let me come back to the types...they are boy Leg..boy short..thongs..brief..control...G-string.....hipster..string bikini..tanga....V-string blahblah.....I am quoting this because Indian women have gone on a rampage to show their panties and bra straps to public...and likes like me are highly annoyed on this new fashion-mania!! Now for those ladies who are showing me the pantylines from their trousers..please go for boy-leg panties if not boy short panties....that will camouflage your pantyline!! If you wearing short-skirts please don't go for thongs/v strings/g-strings....first and foremost you actually don't understand how to carry minis....you sit wearing those as if you are wearing salwar-kameez...for god-sake practice sitting crossed-leg...you will end up showing a bit more of butts but at least your private parts are not on public display, right? I cannot stop those panties from showing up when you wear jeans and a short top and bend over...but for heaven sakes...forget those 'flowery panties' yaar (You don't need to wear them every time in remembrance of all those guys who were buried there)...and for god sake...stop buying those packs of 5's from west side/lifestyle etc...leave them only for 'those days'!! if you are fat (99.9% you are!) please go for 'control' line of panties...it helps in camouflaging your pouch!And yeah go for cotton (with or without lycra) because all you Indian women stink big time...leave silk/satin for special nights!! coming to bras...again you have many types and i am not going to go in them (i want to but lets not discuss personal stuff here!)...now why on earth Indian women think that showing their straps will make them more beautiful or up their sex quotient....trust me gals...you are making a mockery of yourself....the more you hide your assets...more interested a guy will be!! your transparent plastic bra straps are all 2nd generation stuff (1st generation was worn by your grandma and mom!)....go for a multi way bra gals....you call plastic-strapped bras as strapless....huhh...multi way bra is totally strapless and the most comfortable (hit a jockey store nearby and try one right now!)

Anyways...I am not going to discuss whats in vogue...because fashion changes every season...subscribe to magazines like cosmopolitan, vogue, seventeen, Marie Claire or read stuff on net say rediff's 'get ahead' section to get fashion tips apt for current season....but for god-sake...being a woman (ugly or beautiful)...get your basics right....differentiate between the make-up wore during a day and night (and for Almighty's sake remove that before going to bed or your husband/BF will die of heart-attack in morning)....invest in a sunscreen babes (at least SPF30)..you are already brown....don't make it worse!! Match your accessories...and for heavens sake...don't use your same lipstick and nail polish for every outfit you wear for next 7 days..if you don't have time to change them everyday...go for nude shades...but keep applying those touch-ups from time to time!! Get you arms/legs/underarms/bikini line waxed or epilated (make sure u have hair ONLY on your head and eyebrows (tweak them!)...a deodorant is a must have for you Indian gals...use it generously on 'those days' apart from regular days... you all stink big time!! Go to a good hair-dresser even if it costs you a bomb...a good haircut can change the whole you! and for god sake go for hair-highlights if you are considering hair coloring....don't you even think of 'global' hair coloring ... you brown skinned gals will look ugly in anything other than black and dark-browns....you just cannot match west gals...trying is futile!! Get your manicure and pedicure done regularly...if not in parlors then do it home...a bad set of feet is a big turn-off!! Having said most of the things, just don't wear anything short (be it tops or on legs) if you have even an inch of flab...when it sticks out from your outfit...it enlarges to exactly 300.824% (or 3 times) to a viewers eyes!! Have a second look at your gym clothing...anything tight in bottoms and you are showing your 'camel-toe' to everyone...invest in a sport bra or else you would end up with sagged breasts (you cannot avoid treadmill, can you?)!! avoid the use of 'bindi' on western clothes and for god sake don't apply that 'holy ash' on your neck and arms when you go out....there are other ways to say charging bulls that you are a 'holy cow' and that you are not available for mounting! invest in good matching footwear and yes...socks with sports-sandals is...i mean who the fuck started this trend? Remember you NEVER wear socks with sports-sandals (applies to men too) no matter whether is dilli-ki-sardi or chennai's-cruel-skin-burning-daytime!! and for Christs sake...stop wearing a dark colored bra inside a light colored top and vice-versa!! hmm...I think that should do for now...I don't want to make you feel more guilty!!

Anyways...enough of making a typical ugly woman of India beautiful....lets turn to guys now!! hmmm....nothing much to really say...you don't have much options, do you?? Just keep it simple...just don't wear sports shoes on trousers...and yes...leave your pair of white socks only for gym...please and match your socks with your pants and not shirt and shoes!! Don't let your tie stick out more as compared to your shirt and invest in a good belt! get a decent hair-cut/style (long hair are kept by zonkies not Indians!). Now one common thing I have noticed amongst Indian men now-a-days...just like their female counterparts is that they love to show their underwear...JOCKEY...TOMMY HILFIGER!! Get a life dude...I know inside that label is a huge turf of hair that would make a girl run out your bedroom screaming!! don't even think that showing your undies or sporting a tattoo is going to up your sex appeal...no ways!! and yeah wax your hairy chest and armpits (shaving will make them re-grow in just 2 days)....it adds up to your body odor!! deo is must!! clean your bushy eyebrows (remember the word is clean...if u don't mention it...parlor person will give shape to it and you will end up looking like kareena kapoor/karisma kapoor(earlier days)/uma bharti/mayawati!!)..Now please do something for your hair on private parts also...I know you are very ignorant about this stuff and I don't blame you for that! You cannot go into a parlor and get it waxed! gals can do that...they are trained to open up completely in front of gynecologist even if he is male.....see we are a shy breed as against the 'liberated' Indian women of today....thanks to mofo shaving brands like Gillette..they don't have anything for men's private area shaving...no 'satin-shave, sensor excel for women and Venus' line of shaving system for us!! In fact a 'gulti' once tried to use his electric shaver (gifted by his brother after buying it from Christmas sale from wall-mart) on his crotch and ended up in 'emergency room' in hospital!!hmm....don't worry...use your regular razor (but for god sake don't use it back on your beard and dont even think about using after-shave/dettol lotion..or the coming seconds/minutes/hours will be the worst of your life)!!

remember...beauty always lies in the eyes of beholder...don't screw up yourself with fashion blunders and redefine the quote to..'beauty lies in the eyes of the BEER holder!!) ...all the best and have a beautiful looking day tomorrow!!

Women beauty- an indian perspective

2008-02-07T16:23:00.001+05:30

I have always been a big fan of FTV (fashion TV)...but thanks to some mofo Indian NGO'S, politicians and other policy makers...itz off-air now...damn u bastard hypocrites....each one...EACH ONE of you bloody indians are the biggest hypocrite race in this world!! anyways....while watching this channel once...my dad interrupted me saying..."billy, beauty is never seen by eyes!!"...now was he suggesting me to go and get the 'feel' of it or he had a deeper philosophical shit carefully packaged in that comment....i dont know....i am just another young guy who was enjoying the milan fashion week's fall 2002 collection ...i smiled and replied.." in that case how do explain colors to a blind person dad??"....well...that answer made me miss alessandro dell'acquas collection which was to follow alberta ferettis collection i was watching (someday iem surely going to ask dad if he mistook my comment suggesting that he was blind!!)...anyways...my comment was a philosophical 'gem' that i will explain later in this writing...hmmm...letz get to the topic first

The question that comes to my mind when i hear the looser BF's/husbands/parents having ugly GF/wife/kids respectively and who somehow convince themselves of having assets having inner beauty by contesting that beauty is just skin deep is ..."how the fuck a person is beautiful from inside when the outer skin is ugly ??" hmm...come to think of it...packaging is one of the most important 'P' of marketing (refer to marketing mgt book by philip kotler)....the person who said that a book should never be judged by its cover was either reading bible or was trying to hide the fact that his wife looked ugly!! and who was that guy who said that a thing of beauty is joy for ever when i personally feel that ugliness tends to last much..MUCH longer!!Kill him if hez not already dead!! come to think of it...I have lotsa of people who try to enlighten me with the fact that beauty doesnt last long..what will you do then...My fellow brown-skinned people...have you ever heard of 'behavioral therapy"...even if i marry a beautiful wife who is a bitch..i can change her attitude with this therapy in flat 3months and continue to enjoy sex till she is beautiful....but will you be able to change the ugliness of your wife in your entire life?? dont give me shit about plastic surgery..its very expensive + trust me...you are inviting trouble if you ask your wife to go under knife...she will be very upset to know that you actually find her to be UGLY!! Think of it mofos...do you think you are lions who are capable of having sex 196 times a day...6 times lazy asses and i would gift you a trophy...now dont you think those sessions should have maximum quality?? added to that..yes the beautiful wife will not be beautiful when she grows old as compared to her younger days...but do u think u will be able to hump in your mid 40's like the way you humped in your 20's....bullshit!!

I belong to beautiful-india (add that to the list of available oxymorons)...and having spent a considerable amount of my life as a resident...tourist..and resident again here...I feel almost all citizens of this country belong to this looser Bf/husband/parents category mentioned above who somehow have convinced themselves that this country is all about beautiful people!! Beautiful PEOPLE...holy fuck...do u bastards realize that you are the most ugly race in this world ... inside..outside... EVERYSIDE...PERIOD!! I will not waste my time on 'everyside' feature and will continue only with the great debate of inside-outside stuff...let me give you an example by quoting the second (or first) woman in your life...your CAR!! How do you choose your car?? doesnt beauty comes first in your mind and other things later?? admit it itz beauty and style!!!

Anyways...let us now narrow our discussion to the women of this 'hairy-ass' country.. their beauty.. attitudes etc...now please refer to my earlier post about our male population being 96.87% ugly....now the same research shows that 95.07 of our young female population is ugly, 2.39% beautiful, 2.13% unavailable as they have either migrated to US (mostly with gultis)/murdered in dowry cases (not reported)/in prison for murdering husbands (for harassement/hiding adultery)...rest 0.41% are considering sex-change operation as they always wanted to be male..thanx to the womanly treatment given to them by their families!! I know its out of our topic but out of the 2.39% who are beautiful more than 1.26% and astonishing 84.37% of ugly women from 95.07% ... have been lesbians in their lives and ...believe it or not!!! You want evidence...banning of 'fire' movie by hypocrite indians says volumes about this country!! If i were to present my opinions about this..i would say that almost 99.86% of hot girls have been lesbians in some part of their lives..even if the act was as small as grabbing each others breasts...( now how many times do you see guys in their 20's grab their fellow mates dicks..tell me?)....

we will now move on to the deeper aspects of what makes a indian girl an INDIAN GIRL!! nothing much really....trust me...all the women in this world are same!! The factors that trigger emotions in a woman like joy, anger, frustration, jealousy, love, hatred,revenge,remorse, blahblahblah are exactly the same in all races...infact even the way they orgasm is same (btw almost all indian girls dont know this phenomenon..blame indian men for that!! that is one thing i feel makes them different from west women!).. i mean who the fuck in the world said that women in this world are the most difficult thing in this world to understand....iem sure that fucked up drunk guy was watching monalisa smile in her painting!! lolz....and you thought your GF/wife was different?? i mean come to think of it..you think beauty queens like aishwarya rai, sushmita sen, priyanka chopra and likes dont sit on pots in morning and relieve themselves just the way ugly indian women do?... you know..herez a prescription drug for you when u wake up every morning so that you come out of this 'my girl is different syndrome'...watch her pee in toilet...and then wisdom will dawn upon you that no woman in this world can pee standing up in toilet !! so dude..how does that make your woman different? You dont understand when they are sad or happy..huhh.....if she is enjoying sex shez happy...if she stays on bed like a dead body...shez sad..as simple as it sounds!! as i said...none of women differ...they are all same dude....THEY ARE ALL SAME...its just the outer skin that matters!! The only breed of indians who can actually assess a girls inner beauty are general and lapraoscopic surgeons...and i dont think you are one! a sensual pancreas...sexy n curvaceous intestines...adorable gall-bladder....demure spleen...hot liver..i mean holy shit....is it what you are going to say when someone asks you to say something about your mate (no onez interested in her 'inner beauty (read attitude)..and if u have ugly gal at ur side...i pity ur silence when such questions will be thrown at you!!)

coming back to indian girl...first and foremost why do you think the indian cosmetic size stands at 950million USD (iem not making up this figure..google it!!)....freaking 950 million USD in 1996...i mean if this money was spent on our space program..we would have been selling popcorn (both salted n cheese) on moon by now!! The simple reason is....indian women are ugly and all the world's major cosmetic brands completely realize this fact...and considering market is growing at 20% per annum( which is way more than our female population growth rate) my observation/research just cannot be debated or nullified that more and more ugly women in this country are trying hard to look beautiful!!

Well now that we have defined indian women...lets take up real life case studies...a beautiful woman(beautiful figure included) from india is an outright beauty...no second thoughts about it...i mean how can u then justify the construction of 'taj mahal'..shah jehan (was he the dude who ordered to make it?) must have had hundreds of wives...but why did he choose to make this monument only for mumtaz mehal( is that the name or is it madhu bala?)...the only logic i see is that she must have been very beautiful....anyways...as i said...beautiful indian girl is an outright goddess...so there is no point in elaborating it further but here is the catch...you will notice that they are big time racists...they only like to be in the company of other beautiful women....but herez another catch....therez atleast one...atleast one...ugly gal in every group!! i will explain the psychology behind it....that ugly girl has been kept in the company for many reasons..some of them are...firstly,they dont want to be tagged racists...secondly, it gives them saddistic pleasure that they are one up compared to these ugly gals..third, these ugly girls need constant assurance that they are not ugly and these beautiful girls are pretty good in doing that!! lets take a case study to understand my point..
You walk in this uptown pub and therez this hot gang of girls hanging out...as i said...the gang also has ugly member/s...now u walk up to this ugly gal (indian men dont have the balls to approach beautiful women for the fear of being outrightly rejected) and ask her for a dance....now under normal circumstances...what do u expect?? well u expect that this girl will feel so blessed and ecstatic that a guy actually asked her for a dance ignoring the damsels around that she will even give u a nice blowjob in parking lot later in night...but hold right there....what do you get?? lemme put the emotion in words...a snakes hiss...less pitch..more tone...itz like "duhhhhhhhh or hissssss!!"....dont be taken aback...this ugly hairy ass, in the company of beautiful woman (and learning a bit to dress n drape herdelf) and constant assurances that even shez hottie, has developed the attitude that is expected from her beautiful counterparts!! Now obviously your ego is hurt...i mean..an ugly ass rejecting you...come back stronger dude..say sth like.."ugly duckling...u r just a ladder to reach your hottie friends bedroom!!"....that would show her the place where she belongs and dont feel sorry as all indian emotional bastards do..thinking that it will tear her to pieces...she will be again get reassured by her friends that she is one big hottie...and trust me she will continue to hisss and puff when someone asks her out!! see..no permanent damage done!!

As i mentioned in last paragraph...most ugly indian women dont realize they are ugly until the time they are ready get married and are constantly rejected....lemme take up a real-life case..the comments in bracket shows my real hidden feelings at that time....the situation was when my below average's average looking female friend ( see my friends are not ugly!) got dumped...she was hitched with a guy on net...the telephonic conversation went like

she: he dumped me!!
me: what?? (bastard...dont act as if you u were not expecting this !)
she:u know i went to meet him...continues..
me: (i told ya..i told ya to keep this relationship till net only...u dint get understand what i wanted to say, did u? now c..)
she: continuing...and he dumped me the next day...tell me vyomkesh...do i look so bad??
me: hell no yaar (saint gobain mirror should start aggressive marketing..they are not reaching common man!!)
she: no u tell me the truth...am i so bad looking..
me: common yaar...you are not bad..(you are worse!)
she: not good either, right??
me: when did i say that...i wish the guy had known and judged u from inside ( u bastard hypocrite indian...cant say 'yes u r ugly'..inner beauty...hehehe)...and then he would have known what important and beautiful thing he has missed in life..
she: really?? u think so..
me: yeah sweetheart...u rock babes!! (may a ton of rock falls on u and disfigure ur face so that u have a legitimate case for plastic surgery!!)
she:hmm...i always feel so good talking to u
me: same here!!(the only way i have learned to appreciate beauty is by having atleast 100 ugly gals like u as my friends)
she: you think i will get a better guy soon..
me: without any doubts yaar!(just dont show your face again!!convert to islam and start wearing burkha and insist that u will open it only on suhaagraat)
she: but where...
me: common now....stop being childish..anyways i am driving..bye(where?? any guy will meet u in bedroom if the lights are switched off...neways...before u ask me to invite you for the party iem throwing on saturday..let me hangup!!)
she: bye and thanks for always being there
me: anytime babe..anytime (ok...here iem genuine...i am always there for my friends!)

see, no ugly indian woman actually understand that she is ugly....and as a concerned citizen of this country...i want the mofo politicians, women help groups etc to permanently ban beauty magazines like cosmopolitan, vogue, seventeen n blahblah...reading this stuff makes my countries women feel ugly...BAN THEM ALL..they are for europenas and americans...BAN THEM RIGHT NOW... put heavy government subsidy on plastic surgeries and other beauty related diagnostic procedures... n save people like us from the constant reassurances that we give to help this breed keep out of depression!!

Having said it all, let me reassure you ugly women of india....indian sex-ratio is highly scewed in favour of indian men...rest assured..you are not dying a virgin...as quoted in last post...there are 96.87% ugly men waiting for you...do u think rest 3.03% handsome males will marry 2.39% beautiful females....see the difference is 0.64% which suggests that u have a good chance of marrying handsome guyz too!! Moreover...there is one thing that is common between you and beautiful girls...all you indian women have huge patches of hair on your body...yes you are the most hairy race in this world...with those patches..even a beautiful girl looks ugly....voila!! That acted as an emergency contraceptive pill, isnt it?

Indian men....herez the new indian women for you...liberalised...taking up your jobs...make u sleep with them for promotions...but still UGLY...grossly UGLY!! Do them a favour, next time they reject your offer at bar...act as if you are shattered...totally broken...that would keep them happy...afterall lameducks....even you have sisters/mothers who are also indians!!

Indian bachelors guide to bride-hunting...

2008-02-06T17:58:00.000+05:30

ding-dong...wedding bells are ringing...timing is just perfect...gulti managed to get his visa status changed from F1 to H1B....sardar has finally realized that banging his cousin brothers/goats in farms can now be easily substituted with banging his wife from other end ...a mallu got bored banging prostitutes in gulf and now he can marry a mallu nurse working in a hospital...leave her behind and continue banging other women in middle-east (most lucky breed of bastards!!)...and a normal software engineer is fed up giving blow jobs to male superiors and sleeping with female boss to bag an on-site opportunity!! There are lots of other signs that a typical indian male shows which ultimately motivates him to get married...but here is the catch...you are a typical ugly indian male who makes up 96.87% of total male population in india...rest 3.03% handsome hunks are already on their way to get married to their GF's (uh..uhh!!)...rest 0.10% constitute the gay category (figures from punjab unavailable)...this guide is aimed at the 96.87% looser category!! The case study will concentrate on the most common breed of dogs available in canal today...software engineers!!

Before we go bride-hunting...lets do a SWOT analysis...
it starts with the advantages of having a beautiful wife:
1. It enhances your social stature and you can flaunt her in public n parties
2. Fights/disagreements are less often as forgiveness comes easily
3. Sex doesnt get boring after 1 year..3 months and 12 days
4. Your genetic sequence gets cleansed and you can expect good looking offsprings.

Disadvantages:
1. Most probably your good-looking girl is not a virgin.
2.You may end up dancing on her tunes because a casual statement like "my legs are closed for you for next 7 days' can wreck havoc on your stressful life.
3.She is most susceptible to indulge in adultery.
4. She is not the one who can be tamed or domesticated as against a ugly looking wife who would continue to treat you like a god for the simple reason that you married her!

Now we notice that advantages outnumbers disadvantages...which means you deserve the most sexy damsel on offer in market...but wait a minute..what is this inhibition? "I look so-so...why would a beautiful girl be interested in me??"...hmm...first and foremost..you dont look so-so...you look ugly...you are a typical brown skinned indian bastard.. full of hair...EVERYWHERE !! Have you ever seen yourself naked in a saint-gobain mirror?? Dont ever do that...friendly advice from your truly!! anyways that was just a correction and is not intended to dampen your spirits....secondly, you have dragged your ass for min 10 years ...four years in engineering college...and 6 years in job (3 for gultis after considering 2 years MS in USA and 1 year working as beggers in USA streets)...now dont you think after so much hard work you have put in the last 10years should bear some fruit..and yes my dear bastard countrymen...the fruit is a gorgeous indian female and this my dear hairy countrymen should be single big motivating factor for you ugly mofos!

Now, first things first...never...EVER...ask your parents to go bride-hunting...beauty is low down in their 'wannabe' features...I will explain you why... Apart from the point discussed in advantages/disadvantages section....your mom knows that sooner or later she will have disagreements with her daughter-in-law and then you will be most likely to tilt in favour of your wife if she happens to be beautiful (remember that 'my legs are closed for u" stuff??)...now do you think under these circumstances your mom will get you a gorgeous wife...HELL NO!! Go and get your hairy ass in working mode...go bride hunting...participate in filtering photos of wannabes...get knowledge from internet about photography because a good photographer can turn a hyena into a demure deer...just make very sure that you dont leave this job for your parents/relatives...or you will end up with an ugly ass!!

Now that you have filtered the photos...the second stage begins...you meet the wannabes....now here comes the catch...a beautiful woman always comes with a good figure!! In a normal indian scenario...the subject will be in salwar-kameez or saaree...STOP RIGHT THERE...ITS A "CAMOUFLAGE"...switch your senses in battle-ready mode or else your 10years of hardwork would go waste in 10mins!!! Now you cannot ask her to change clothes...you dont have balls+it would look inappropriate...so you are left with few options...convince her that after marriage you would like her to see her more in jeans and stuff...if she disagrees...then move on dude...shez hiding her paunch or the typical thunder thighs and overloaded butts of indian females!! Insist on seeing her complete personal albums as they will give you an idea of her in various kinds of outfits...now here comes another catch...indian females usually go on crash dieting and stuff atleast 8 months before shez ready to be exhibited and thanks to VLCC and weight reduction centres...the job has become more easy....now i dont want you to end up with a girl who looked slim n trim at the time of wedding and who transforms into a balloon after 3 months...so go for the dusty albums that she has hidden in the closet...snaps taken 2-3 years back...that would give you an idea about her weight-gaining-loosing capacity ...coming back to salwar-kameez and saarees...assessment should be highly methodological...see the way she walks in...if she walks in slowly and carefully...alarms bell should start ringing... shez trying to HIDE her paunch!! One way to check for obesity under saaree or salwar is to note the relative positions of her bosom and midriff...for a woman with a good figure...the bosom should be at a considerably higher level. If she dresses so that the bosom does not stand out,..it is almost surely because she has a paunch that comes to the same level or she may be droopy, saggy or totally flat!!!
Now that we are done with assessing fat women...what about thin n skinny girls who comes all padded up on d-day!! hmmm...unless you are a genius like me to differentiate between a genuine pair of breasts... bust and hips from padded onez...therez is no way you can estimate the flesh shez carrying!! My advice is that you better start being good to your sisters/cousins/wannabes friends or young kids from wannabes family to get the 'inside' info!!

hmm....I guess the guide is complete...apart from everything cited above i also judge a woman by her feet ...if they are smooth and well contoured...it definitely adds up...a little above...and you will know how hairy she is...in there..and everywhere (vaguely)...i know.. i know that she must have waxed her legs/arms etc on D-day...but give her surprise visits later and you will come to know everything...yes girls...like your male counterparts...you too are the most hairy race in this world!!!!!!!

Happy bride hunting guyz....remember.. its not a process..its an art..a lifetime INVESTMENT!!

p.s- If you find your new 'beautiful' wife is trying new sex positions frequently without you suggesting them...then therez a very high probability that shez committing adultery....now dont blame me for that coz i cleary mentioned the disadvantages of a beautiful wife...and excuses like information from internet etc dont hold good...therez plenty of research already done on women on their net activities and it clearly states that majority and i mean MAJORITY of women dont browse internet for porn-related material...leave alone indian women net habits!! hmm...wellll...uhh..uhh...time to go bride-hunting again!! Yours truly post always at your service!!